~ClaRRise hUEyhsIAng~

Someone Important

2011-07-27T01:32:00.002+08:00

My back is recovering i hope coz it doesnt hurt as much as few days back..though i still cant really bend much n i move around like an old lady...lol.. been dwelling alot in my inner thoughts...and sad to say its bad, negative thoughts..i feel horrible to be honest, bout myself, bout the things i do, bout the things i do as my career. every now and then i keep question myself: what am i doing? i juggle too many balls in my hand..and i thought i can hold them nicely with two small hands of mine, but lately i feel that i'm grasping on sand, fine sand that tends to slip away from the finger gaps..there's not one thing that i can master well..i'm neither here nor there..doing things the wrong way...ended up becoming a piece of rubbish...
i'd ask myself, why do i keeping putting down myself?? beat up myself all the time? answer's simple...coz i feel like a piece of shit...i cant play the piano well, i cant sing well..and my violin playing sounds like shit...so...what have i been doing for the past year?? am i slacking too much?? or i'm just finding excuses for myself that i'm always too busy working i dont have the time to practise?? my concerntration's not here as how it always did back then...i cant focus like how i used to be...just when i thought i improved...i get the reverse...i cant learn like how i used to...i questioned myself when i was driving this afternoon..how come i'm so stupid and slow when it comes to learning?? simple things n i have a take a long time to learn it?? why??
i feel stupider by each day...

i sincerely hope that i'll be able to pick myself up again soon to get ready for the next big battle..but looking at how negative i can be lately...i'm starting to worry for myself...

we all have problems of all sorts, and for me, it has been never ending, one after another...i put down those petty ones, and deal with those that are more important for myself..looking back at how i felt towards things back then and looking at the same thing that happens now, disappointment is there..but its in a very tiny tinge now...you no longer worth that much to me.."why linger around people who doesnt feel the same for you?" a special friend of mine once told me this..hueyhsiang has been like this since she was young...i treat people with sincerity..with the best i could...but i realise no matter how i hard i try...they'll be someone there to spoil everything for you..or people who just appreciate and see the things that you do for them...you taught me to be strong... and let go what's not important, and hold on to whats important to u...so you showed me how much i meant to you...i saw it, i got it...and i'll never look back again becoz i did what i could, i put in effort but all i got was..no replies, no reaction..i'm not trying to be biggie over petty issues like this...when i make noise, it means that those are issues that matters to me...not coz i like to complain that much...well, all said and done...you wanna be like that, its fine with me..i'll just move on with my life and there's no regret coz i've tried...

you dont need to tell the whole world bout how you feel, just keep it inside of you...that'll do...

Right Back Where We First Started

2011-07-21T23:32:00.002+08:00

its random, for wanting to come to this collumn to jot down my 2 cents. i wished i have someone that i could talk to right now, but as always, i'm alone...faithful as always my humble blog awaits me to visit her and sorry to neglect her for almost a year...

My life has changed since my last post in october 2010...i hope i've matured. things are still shitty always..well, thats life isnt it? i remembered telling a student of mine :" life often throw shits at you, learn to deal with these shit and move on." problems always occur around us, inner demons telling you things, leading you to the darker sides...yes i do have my darker moments sometimes, i always have... but it doesnt mean i've given up entirely on things that matters to me...

looking back the past few months, many things have changed...my long term plans has gone down the rubbish bin..my priorities have changed...my life used to resolved mainly around him, it hurts like a bitch when i hit the wall but i never wake up til one time, i really got smacked real hard on my face...thats when no matter how hard you're trying to avoid the problem, it'll just be there, smacked right infront of your face, whether you like it or not. thats when i tell myelf: Clarrise, u seriously have to wake up now! if one dont worth your effort and time, dont waste your time..you wont be younger as each day passes...

yes i've got the courage, to finally take a step out of my comfort zone..but sometimes, u'll wish there's someone else for u to depend on...an assurance...or maybe i've got older now, all i'm looking for is assurance...a certainty in life...life's a bitch, they dont give you what u wished for...so yes, i dont get what i want...but i'll work towards what i intend to acheive for myself...

it's a blessing in disguise when you lose something, u'll gain something else...right now i've another option waiting for me at the other junction right down this path i'm taking...but its one HUGE step...a life-changing decision...i thought i was very brave..i thought i've got the courage to take this leap...and now, here i am...doubting the courage that i used to have..or i thought i had..still thinking if i should go for it, or just stay in my own comfort zone and keep working my ass out...weighing my options i guess...its been a month and i've been thinking alot...yet there's no one i could go to for advise...

someone said i've complained lesser...well simply coz i dont find any point to do so...people get tired after awhile..i dont find it a point to complain something that doesnt matter much to me..simply to waste my energy...you can say that i couldnt care less...yes i am...you can say that i'm cold...maybe i am...when u get all the cold shoulders from others when u tried to reach out, u'll understand how i feel...afterall, i'm only human..

issues and matters running thru my mind, nonstop...i'm sitting here...weighing my options, on the things i should hold on tightly, and also the things that i should let go for my own good...the thing is, when you're older, u tend to be afraid of losing the wrong things...and thats what i'm experiencing now...you'll keep thinking what if the next step that you take is the wrong one?

go figure that out....

Right And Wrong

2010-10-09T23:45:00.002+08:00

okay now its bothering me that its not even funny anymore...wait...when was the last time i EMO-ed this long?? years ago?? i'm not sure if its just simply being emotional, or i'm suffering some kind of minor depression...it wouldnt go away, it wont get better, neither did it disappeared..and i'm really feeling troubled...things that wasnt a problem seems like a problem to me now...i get angry and impatient very quickly lately...and really i did notice that myself..things that was so sure, crystal clear, now became unsure, unclear...sometimes i dont even know what do i want..Am i really that stressed out, focused on what i really need to do instead of what i WANT to do, that i no longer know what i want for myself? sometimes i really stop awhile, a minute or two...to think about...what have i done to myself? what am i doing to myself?? this is MY life..but am i LIVING it? is life meant to be like this, where we do things that we NEED to do, rather than doing things we WANT to do?

finally, after quite some time, i had the chance to go out with some fren, and it feels like i've finally made some time to really enjoy life, rather than keep busying myself with tonnes of work...i really enjoyed the times i spend with my frens...and to be honest, i really miss the feeling of having to not think bout anything, and just hang out with frens, chatting, listening, take a drink or two...just really laugh at something silly...but i know...with my working schedule that is something not easily be acheived...and i really missed my old life...well..just part of it...when life is about enjoying the time of your life, doing things u enjoy with the people u enjoy...instead of just WORK, WORK, WORK....i really have been thinking about quitting some of my job, but i guess financial status just dont quite enable me to do it...

but somehow it doesnt feel right, and i really dont know how to explain it...the more i think about it, the more wrong it feels like...and i just shut it away from my thoughts, out of my mind...i know...avoiding it is not gonna help in any way...but i just couldnt bring myself to think about it..

distance seems to grow further apart by each day, feelings seems to get faint too as it goes...is this a sign? or i'm thinking too much??no longer know what is right and wrong...what is true and false..i guess i really know how to see things properly now..

i spend so much time reading books...sometimes i dont sleep becoz i wanna know how the story goes...but now, into the fourth book...i guess lately i just got really tired very easily, that i emo too much that i havent been touching that book for a few days...its not helping me at all, but kept me inside its story that i tend to think like the story...and it made really emotional sometimes...

please tell me i'm not suffering from any sickness...that i'm still sane as i am...that i'm still Huey Hsiang...coz right now, i dont feel like one, i dont act like one, and i certainly dont think like one......

The Valid Reason

2010-10-07T03:28:00.002+08:00

it wasnt the greatest time in my life, it is in fact now the worse that i've been thru...no more stupid childish problems that we cry over when we feel sad or stressed out...commitments, long-term plans, life aims...how does it feel like when all those things that used to be very important to you, suddenly became pointless? what can we really do bout it? what is the reason behind the things we do?

sometimes just when i think that i'm having the toughest, biggest, the worst things happening to me, thats when i realise that it was nothing huge compared to what some others are going thru...and to really laugh at myself...so what was i expecting to get from people when i tell them? am i begging for their sympathy? am i asking for solutions? should i share it with others? there wasnt once in my life that i kept something so quietly, inside of me...i dunno how to deal with it becoz i'm a coward. since when going home became a duty, rather than an action out of willingness? since when going home sounded like a bad idea that even other people can see right from my face?

it wasnt until that day that i found out that i needed music so much to drown out the noise, that i switch it on so loud that its almost gonna burst my eardrums...to stop myself from hearing those meanful words thrown around like that...it was the worst place to be at, at that time..it was just the wrong timing, wrong place...but i didnt had the choice..even though i've plucked on to my ipod, blasting the music to the loudest i can...i still hear things that i didnt want to hear...it wasnt pleasant at all..seeing things falling apart right infront of ur own eyes...

thats when i needed to take up the responsibilities, although i'm not asked to do that...but i know thats something i need to do...thats the least i can do for them...

sometimes we need to control our behavior at the right place, the right time...no matter how stressed out we are..we just cant use that as a valid reason to throw a fit infront of other people..it was such a huge shame...that all i could do was just sit there and look...feeling very devastated simply not coz i was upset by other's behavior...but upset coz i was misunderstood...and seeing something of myself which i hate to admit it, even though i know i'm like that...that i hate to think of it..coz if i do...it'll only remind myself that i hate myself even more..

suddenly everything seems unclear to me...the things that i'm doing...i never realise that i was such an unhappy person...i never realise that i stopped being myself becoz of the person they want me to be...i stopped being happy for going home...i never realise that what i have now suddenly just became pointless when the things i thought would last forever just blew up right infront of me into shreds of clothes, like it doesnt worth of anything at all..it pains me to see it, to feel it...so if something i thought was so perfect could end up like that...what is the point of me going thru it now??? what is the point of me having high hopes for the future when the prettiest things doesnt even stay pretty anymore??

do we need a valid reason for everything we do?? or we just act according to how we feel??

i think i'm crapping at this point...i'm simply complaining too much..which is something i really hate myself for doing so...so i'll just shut up here....

The Feel-Good Post

2010-08-30T01:27:00.004+08:00

A very busy weekend seriously does not leave any mercy on me...make me such a grumpy person...tired, stressful, always worrying bout replacement classes and other things...today was seriously a very very tired one...although thanks to do the Ramadhan month that i didnt stuck in traffic jams no matter where i went since the fasting month began...and i think i'm gonna miss it when it ends...thats the only good thing about it that i really like...after a very tired and long working day (actually its not really that long but i dont know why, compared to thurs, fri, and sat, sun seems to be extra gruelsome) i finally decided call my remaining sunday a rest day...simply just by lepaking around the house doing nothing much, berfacebook for quite sometime, looking thru blogshop reviews (which nothing much catches my attention, maybe i've fullfilled my to-get-list, for now....hmmmmm), reading mag (i just got the latest issue of ViVi from a bookshop...thumbs up to the shop for having stocks for imported magazine..coz normally i only see those current month issues of jap mags in big bookshops like Kinokuniya, MPH, Popular...so now i know where to buy the latest mags =D)

then mom came back from the very short Thailand (hattyai) trip...and came back with lots n lots of food...

there's this thing thats bothering me...i seriously do not appreciate people who suddenly change their calendar, then CLAIMED to have CHANGED long time ago...when the previous week i just double-checked with the ladyboss for the holidays coz i'll be away (and please do take note that i'm not those teachers who just leave whenever they like...i plan for vacation when there's a long stretch of public holidays i.e. the coming raya. except for times when i need to take leave as i have performance or competition which is unavoidable..and thats also maybe three days in a year..) n then the next week i was there to teach i checked again..they just changed the calendar(last last week) and DID NOT INFORM me but luckily i double checked again....and so i have made my plans n arrangements that i really need that vacation that i've been so looking forward to it...and suddenly she just need to crash my dream...just like that...so this time i really need to leave...n she was just telling me this morning that the parents didnt like the sound of me only having class with their child for once in this month...but i bet they DIDNT KNOW that this is not my fault becoz the Ladyboss just decided to CHANGE the calendar (holiday) according to her own planning..common la...raya is on the 10th of sept (friday) so i guess many people will be away for the weekend til the following week as schools are also off for another week...n u suddenly change to start closing on the 5th (sun) til 11th(sat)...yes all of ur students are chinese so maybe ur thinking that we do not celebrate raya n we will stay back in KL...but people like me who cant just take leave and go for vacation just as we like, will normally choose this kinda time to leave so we wont have to affect our work...and just to be fair...i've been planning on this trip for so long...since late july...and now i'm not gonna stay back for it and ur telling me that the parents doesnt like what i do??? how bout u telling them what you've done at such a short notice?? seriously i swear that i've tried my very best when arranging for classes and replacements, dealing with some of the parents...and you really have to do this to me??

ishish...make me no mood only...sigh...working is never easy...so many things to deal with...you really need to be street-wise to be able to survive...seriously...no joke...

gonna end this post with what i've done just now....noticed its been soooooooooo long since i camwhored...dunno why...and suddenly i just got the mood to play around with my camera after i've read ViVi...it was indeed a rest day to me..=)

got this top together with DimSy, my colleugue two weeks back in MV when they're having some exhibition where blogshops opened up booths there...

okay thats all...bye...

Shorter Wish List

2010-08-27T22:17:00.003+08:00

Is it the order of nature that we earn people's money so we have to deal with their problems?? seriously its never ending...semua BERPATTERN-PATTERN...

title of this post....my Wish List is getting shorter..=) Finally got myself a maxi dress, n my new Longchamp is in London now with Angela n its coming back early next month..=D cant wait...

Its not all about that...

2010-07-27T13:42:00.000+08:00

Slowly picking up the pace that i used to have for blogging..realise that if i dont do so, i'll have totally nothing much to do..but of coz its still depending if i have pictures to share, if not it'll sure be another boring, picture-less post again...

kinda free lately, after a very much tightly packed schedule for the past few months, exams, convocations, reschedule of my working timetable and others...so now finally its time for me to stop and breathe before i move forward again..but i guess this short break wont last for too long.. speaking of which i'm rather upset that i couldnt find time to leave for a short vacation. a very much needed vacation in fact..its always hard to compromise between my schedule with others...when i have breaks he's always busy..when he's finally free i couldnt take leave either..sigh...and my mom is going to Thailand for a short trip...sad...she never mentioned to me before, assuming that i couldnt leave as i'll need to work on weekends..weekends are my busiest days if u havent already know...so now which leaves me with two option...only take leave end of the year like in december maybe as i have students which will be going for exams in November..or maybe later i'm not sure...the other option would be, to go without anyone but myself..but then again, where i should i go to??

just thought of sharing some of the happenings lately...before i update about my convo..

dated back sometime ago really..i think in June, where after work me and bi went to Paddington House of Pancakes for dinner...

abit dissappointed with this crepe actually..i think their pancakes dishes are way nicer..

then end of June, went over to terengganu to attend Eddy's bro's wedding.

Wedding dinner venue

the guy whos not so sober...according to him he was very happy so he drank alot..social with the relatives and all..

after we were send back to the Hotel, we went out again for supper after changing into something more comfortable..then went back to hotel, initial plan was to chit chat by the seaside but it was rather unsafe for us to do so as we saw many mat rempits coming towards, so we quickly went back to the hotel compound, found us a safe, and well lit area to sit down n chat...which later on we were joined by some uncle who is the drummer for another band during the wedding dinner...went to bed quite late that night...so me and bi were sharing the same room with Yaw and Eunice..we thought of joining all the beds together..i dunno why they place the beds in a weird manner. it was a queen size bed in the middle and flank by two super singles at each side..so in the afternoon after the tea ceremony and lunch we went back to the hotel, and already moved the queen to one of the super single...and guess what we found under the bed..one side of a pair of socks, used tissues, some ball thingy, hairs, and of coz, dusts...so Yaw went to the reception to borrow a broom and a dustpan, and u know what the receptionist asked? :" oh you tolak itu mattress aaahh?"... which means they KNEW that they sweep all the dirt under the bed...and then that was not even the BEST part yet..until at night when Eunice suggested that to join the other super single together so me and Eddy dun need to cramp on one super single...and so we started to move the bed...and now guess what we found under the bed????? 5 OR MORE DEAD COCROACHES!!!!! all terbalik on their backs...hahahaha...so that bed was left there all alone, as a place for us to put our luggage...but it wasnt that cramp la coz we're used to sleeping with only a single bed back in cheras...so a super single for us is like a treat...lolz...

but we had quite a great stay at the hotel, minus the surprises we found under the beds la...other wise all areas are quite clean actually..=) and they have a hair dryer too next to the dressing table, like the ones we see in toilet hotels..

n then we were brought to Eddy's dad's dusun...in the afternoon together with some of his relatives coz their flight back to KL was delayed so Eddy's mom planned something for them and we just tagged along

DragonFruit

i didnt know it was that big of an area...even eddy have not been there before.

then we busied ourselves with plenty of fruits...Nangka, dragonfruits and jagung...all were super sweet and nice...=)

that day, we left Terengganu after dinner...

My new love..=)

Longchamp Eifel Tower...bi got it for me as our Anniversary pressie

then we went out for dinner date..

guess where we went??

I'm sure those of u who been there before, by looking at this pic u'll know where is it...its No Black Tie

Being silly

bi know how much i love Japanese food, salmon sashimi especially..so he brought me there for dinner...but actually..i was CHEATED!

my tempura soba

bi's chicken Katsu with rice...this is really nice...compared to mine which is nothing special

and they serve the best French Fries!!! seriously!!!

then we ordered green tea icecream...super nice!!! bi wanted black glutinous ice cream but its not available..

now....why did i mentioned that i was cheated...coz that fella...did not tell me that he planned to stay for that night's performance...he did not even mentioned about it at all...and i kept bugging him to go back which he did eventually, unwilling as i need to work early the next day, not to mention that i was already very tired...

me: "how long do you plan to stay for this?"

him: " awhile la.."

so after that only i found out that his AWHILE IS one set of the performance..which was about slightly less than AN HOUR....

its not that i did not enjoyed the performance...but i did not planned for all of that after a very long day..and before dinner i asked him what other plans do we have after dinner...and he said:" NOTHING LO...HOME..."...so that was how we celebrated our anniversary....

a busy weekend..rushing up and down for photo session...

had ppl done make up for me...i look like malay...why???

this is more like me....

initially had the mood for blogging...n suddenly someone called and spoiled it...spoiled my mood for everything...

night.....

Its just another one of those days

2010-07-24T02:49:00.000+08:00

Yes i'm emo-ing...didnt pretend that i'm not coz i just wanna emo..happy?? not too many happy days lately, but why should i even start counting it? where i should be looking at the happy moments i had instead? yea whatever...sometimes i'm too busy with work that i just couldnt be bothered anymore..seriously...begin to think that i'm just wasting my time..what will come will come eventually...

i think i've mastered a skill these few days..i can now control my temper better, especially when i'm upset, angry...it didnt take me long to back to normal again...say like half an hour to one?? good one...maybe its a sign...

went for shopping therapy today during work time. sneak some time out to went to shop..women...shopping therapy heals any heartaches really...no i should rephrase that...shopping therapy basically heals anything on women...except for their bank accounts and purses...was just telling my boss that i dun have anywhere to go coz i dun have anything to shop..sien with MV d actually..lolz..patutlah...i'm there 3 days a week...then suddenly i remembered the Topshop staff told me the other day that this friday they're having 30% n 50% sales...so i thought i would just hop over to take a look...but i went into Miss Selfridge first instead...massive sale lo i tell you...too bad i dont have my very own Fashion Fast Forward card..they were giving extra 10% off on top of discounted items, just for today!!!!!!! tell me...is there any reason not to shop??? i think i kinda went abit crazy...running my eyes thru every racks n hangers...especially those on discounts...but nothing much that i like...nothing suits my working schedule now...*sad* so i eyed a pair of shorts which is on half price, and another uber cute jumper which is on 30% off...almost got the jumper...but i think it was a lil bit too short for me...the only size 8 there...luckily i didnt buy it...coz later on i went over to Topshop...massive i tell you...if i just had more time...i think i would ended up buying more...but anyways...i still managed to get myself a top that i've tried before few months ago..in Feb i think?? which is also the last size8..wanted to try but no time as i need to rush back to centre to teach...*yes i'm a crazy shoppaholic* *actually i beg to differ..not that crazy la...* n so..i bought it without trying it...wasnt that cheap..but i like it..n its on discount..so...what the heck!!!! i earn my money i think i deserve to pamper myself...

typing out my shopping experience today just made me a lil happy now...see i told ya..shopping therapy is the best medicine for women...=D

now...i'm confused on which Longchamp should i get...should i just get a normal one so i can really use it seeing the fact that i'm such a lousy person in taking care of bags...on my record, the Charles n Keith its spoilt (less than half a year, oh wait..its already half a year!!!), and the Longchamp Eifel Tower's edges is abit worn out..i just realise that few days ago when i was looking for my hp, attending convocation briefing..n mind you..that bag is not even A MONTH OLD YET!!!!!!

but on the other hand, buying something so common on the streets doesnt make me feel special..lolz...but if i'm going to buy something different than others, that means in the end i'm spending my money buying something which i will end up not using it too often as i'm afraid i'll damage it...
WHY THE DILLEMA~!!!!!!

n now i'm worried that Longchamp doesnt come out Le Pliage series with the colour Rosaly anymore!!! gosh i hate them...then what colour shall i get???

die la.cant sleep yet...=( need to wake up early 2mr..its the big day but i dun feel like it...why???!!! aih...oh yea...someone just spoiled my mood...*trying hard to channel my upset mood* right...

hmmmmmm..............................

now looking back at what i've just written...its all about shopping....i'm doomed.....=)

Love. Cherish.

2010-07-11T00:42:00.003+08:00

why do we have to lose something to know how to treasure it? why cant we treasure it while we still have it? in the past, i've hurt so much from seeing people i care, i love, doesnt care or love themselves by doing all the stupid and childish things, wasting their time and life...after so many times, lesson learnt..and so i thought i have...but maybe i'm just too fragile? that once again i'm going thru the same ol' feelings that i once had...feeling very sad seeing someone doing things to hurt himself. maybe its just a phase in life where everyone will go thru..afterall, who am i to say anything? to judge? or to comment? just hope that things will be better soon that he'll find the lighted path in the dark. its just too pity to say it that we're nothing like before. back to times where we were once strangers, when we didnt even know each other. but anyhow, i still wanna thank you, for walking into my life, start poking me in FB...and that was how we got to know each other. and people around me were telling me to stay away from this weird stranger...but somehow i knew u were different from the others. Different in ways that no words could describe.. If u feel the need to find a listener, you know i'm always there for ya. So, take care now, my friend.

Buying things to reward oneself often not as rewarding as seeing the smile on the face of the people u love when they get a lil something from you.. its the thought that counts, how true. i guess thats another way of showing a lil something to someone u care..

I finally have to admit that, i think its better to not see or have something u love so dearly with you all the time, becoz that way u'll even appreciate it more than ever.

Good Night.

Just Another Tuesday...

2010-06-22T12:41:00.002+08:00

Its another week of the year...my days are almost like routine now...work, home, sleep, wake up, lepak, work..the cycle repeats itself day after day...quite glad that i'm still pursuing my vocal, piano and violin studies even after i graduated...i finally realise how much more interesting my life is studying while working...but of coz..i've cut alot on social life...mostly i'm too busy with work, or i'm too tired after work, or i have to work on my studies during my free time...to be honest, i'm quite sad..but slowly i'm getting used to it...it's not a bad thing afterall...some point i'll be thinking whats the point of me working my ass off every week, and in the end the pay wasnt that rewarding, but still thats what i gotta do to make ends meet...but slowly i find the most rewarding part is when i see my students progress after awhile..and working with them, growing with them...

I've mentioned in two posts ago that i'll be joining AYC this year..but unfortunately, my convocation clashes with it..after much consideration..i've decided to stay back for my convo...but still..i have a vocal concert coming up in Klang chinese school next month, where i'll be performing with another friend of mine, to help spread the art of music among younger generations..its the music sharing and experience that i'll be getting makes me look forward to it, although there's alot of preparation coming ahead as we still havent finalize our repetoire yet...

suddenly heard the recording of the Beethoven Concerto No.2 that i played for my Jury4 back in UCSI when i was bout to leave my teacher's house...suddenly just realise that i miss that piece alot...also brings back the memory when i was stuck in Jeju coz i was quarantined there for AH1N1...hahhaa..such memories..

Next month onwards i'm going to have lesser time for myself..as i'll be working 6 days in a week..which means i really have to work my ass out, to be more hardworking, find any time possible to practise...i'm hoping that i can sit for my LTCL piano next year..the other day when i was visiting my grandma at my uncle's house, i tried to played Fantasie Impromtu there coz there's a score there..but stuck all the way..sigh...i think my hands are not working well as they used to be...well coz i didnt really practise nowadays..better start catching back before i totally lose the hang of it..hahahah...and i plan to pick up once again all the pieces that i've played before, so i can teach my students better...in the process now but i'm sure it'll take a very very long time..hahahahahah...

k la..just wanna talk abit...need to go practise my violin d...

bye...

Bits and Bits

2010-06-20T21:20:00.008+08:00

i know its been too long since my last photo update...coz there's not much of nice pics to upload and share...and yes coz i'm lazy..my cam isnt functioning as well as it used to be..hence the less pics moments in my life...i've been carrying them all around with me..it always in my handbag..but i just couldnt find an occasion to bring it out to snap pics..maybe i've lost the passion for taking pics like how i used to??

new member to my family...adores her...

likes to stick around is humans...

small cat with huge volume..hahaha

@ MV Delicious for Eunice and Dennis's Birthday Surprise dinner..

Thats Eunice and the blurred face is Yaw..

With frens attending Choral Workshop in KLPac few weeks ago..

The Dithyrambic Singers with Mr. Branko Stark..our group(Adult)'s instructor..

Random pic of me...going out to watch the Finals of Library Got Talent..to support Juanophobia

Dinner at Marche...first time there before we head over to Library...maybe i'm stupid..i didnt know clamfish is "lala"...i thought it was some sort of fish and so i ordered this..but it tasted quite good..haha

Our food..of coz these are not just all..before Victor arrived to join us, we both left the table to order more food..with our drinks still at the table, mine barely touched...and when we came back..the staff pandai pandai cleared our table..=_______= so in the end we sat at another place coz our tables are occupied by other people...

monday after Vocal exam..went kai kai in 1U with dennis and eddy...after that headed home without dinner...

but we ordered a feast to our home...

Set for two...we didnt know there's so much food..

*slowly unfolding the package and look into the huge bag*
.

.
.

this much of food for two person...can die..

of coz..in the end we didnt managed to finish all of it...garlic bread remained untouched, and ended up in the rubbish bin..side dishes werent's finished entirely..but we were too stuffed...

nah let u see our food..

last week me and my family went to Sunway Chong Qing steamboat for dinner, early celebration of Father's day...the ice cream selection they had that day was veru special...Durian, Peach, Honeydew Sago and Vanilla Strawberry...reminds me of my good ol' days back in primary schu..still remember the days we ran out of the school gate to buy the rm1 icecream cone from the motorcycle uncle who sells icecream? good ol' days...=D

nothing much to talk about...

sometimes i realize people tend to forget who they really are..in the process of getting people's influence..we can let others influence us in many ways..the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we bring ourselves...but at the end of the day we must not forget bout who we really are..to be someone special, to be you, u can take influences from other people, on things u like, and to infuse it into YOU..which makes u someone special, and not some desperate or loser Wannabe...

Good day..

bye...

Greatness

2010-05-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

Dunno what to do now so decided to blog a lil...feel like sleeping but dont want to..dunno is it coz i'm used to sleeping late..even when i'm tired i'll still online or watch pps before going bed...how unhealthy..but there were times when i just came back from work and just crash on bed...thats when u know i hit my limits...hhahaha..like today...finished teaching at 5.30pm..but it was heavy rain..so decided to stay back awhile, same time to "po pet" with my lady boss...like hanging out with her..she's cool..as an employer..also a cool mom to her kids..damn funny la the whole family..thats why so far that is the place that i love to work...coz i'm happy working there..left MV around 6.30...reached home at 8pm...due to rain..everywhere was trafic heavy...and by the time i got home i'm so moody and exhausted..i unload all my things and crashed on my bed...didnt even went out for dinner so i asked my mom to tapao for me instead..so i had my dinner around 9 something..lolz...

almost done with my unpacking and settling back at home...just very lil clothes left to be decided if i still wanna keep them or give them away...and there's still an ikea bagful of books and whats not...sitting in my attic...sien everytime i see it when i come out of my room..will tend to that later..now my room's not that messy compared to few weeks ago..but i still have many things lying around in every corner of my room..now i just only can wait for my mom to take away her clothes from my wardrobe so i can arrange my things properly...and to buy cabinet if i need more..speaking of which...the new build-in-wardrobe has been fixed on today...but still need some finishing touches..will be done on monday..and still need a few more days for the smell to go away before able to put in anything inside the huge wardrobe.when i say huge..it is...its like i can play hide and seek by just hidding inside the wardrobe..and soon some of my performing dresses will be staying there coz my wardrobe is not long enough to fit them in...then next thing to worry about are my shoes..i have MANY MANY pairs of shoes!!!!!! and mom said next time my shoe rack will be in the attic...good and bad..coz there'll be my private shoe rack, storing only my shoes..but i'll have to climb up and down to take the shoes la...but heck..dont care la...hahahha...

talking bout greatness in my life...work has been better than i've expected..employers have been very kind with me due the amount of leave that i'll be taking in this coming two months...lolz..coz next weekend i'll be attending a Choral Symposium Workshop in KLPac together with few friends of mine...and end of the month i'll be going up to Terengganu to attend Bi's bro's wedding...So there's already two weekends...and i'm working on weekends..so i already found people to replace my classes for me...and then in the following month, I'll be away to Philipines to participate in Asian Youth Choir..something like a camp i supposed...held annually in different Asia countries..and i'll be away for about slightly less than two weeks...so now i'm really worrying about my classes...well its actually a good news to me..accepted into AYC2010. things has been going quite well for me...apart from getting flying colors for my studies...hopefully everything will be better and better and better...=)

I think i'll be rather busy til September...having vocal competition, vocal and violin exams coming up, concerts, and AYC...sure will be another interesting year for me..=)

I feel really really bad from taking money from others so that i could participate in AYC in july..but thats a really good opportunity that i shall not miss...sigh...a million thanks to my parents and Bi for sponsoring me for this trip...to make everything possible for me..

Btw..lately i've been window shopping alot...what to do..no money la..super broke coz i've spend alot on books...hopefully this coming month will be better..lolz..i think i'm in love with Topshop and Zara...LOVE LOVE LOVE their clothes~~~!!!!!! especially ZARA...the heels and clothes~~~!!!!!!!!!! everytime i went in i'm sure to spot at least a few items that i would really die for...on Wed, after teaching in Hartamas, me and Bi went over to MV..coz he got gig there so i went kai kai abit while waiting for him...Bi gave me money to shop...I went into ZARA..and omg...the heels...fab to the max!!!! and i've spotted the nicest nicest, prettiest Maxi Dress on earth..talking bout good quality fabric and the perfect cutting and fitting...thats a dress that i really would die for...hahaha..but its way way expensive...u know la..i'm super "kiam" when it comes to shopping..you wont see a designer tee in my closet..coz thats a huge NO No for me..haha..people who dont really know me will think that i'm a rich gal, everything on me are branded stuff...Sorry to disappoint you.. but u are WRONG~~!!!! i have ciplak things..many in fact...ahhahaa..the most expensive bag that i own is a replica Burberry bag...Rm250..and god knows why on earth did i spend so much on a fake bag...i was stupid back then..but i tell you..even its fake.. it's really good in quality.. leather handles, and the fabric was really nice and tough...i've been using it for two years straight..that was the only handbag that i used for a very long period of time in a long stretch...and til now..it still look like new...although it had a few food stain..water stains from rain and i-dunno-whatelse...but it still look pretty new..hahahaha...the second bag that i've used a long time was a mustard yellow Hobo from Vincci...or Padini..whichever la...that bag...went to Korea and many more places with me...just that as time pass i have more things to carry around with me and that bag could no longer hold all my necessities..and that pun cost less than RM90...hahhaa..then now the one i'm using now is a Tote from Charles and Keith...so far my fav shop for heels and bags..i got it from bi as a Valentines day pressie...even though its not cheap..but the quality isnt that good..compared to the replica Burberry..less than half a year, the pvc or skin or whatever are torn from all of the edges...quite heartache lo..i've just been using it for less than half a year...is it coz i'm too careless, didnt really take good care of the bag?? sigh...the most i've spend so far on heels is a pair from Charles and Keith as well..well coz i needed something thats not too feminine nor too tough...something neutral so i can match with all of my outfits..that costs me about Rm100 plus...thats the most expensive pair that i own...yes i may have many pairs of shoes and heels, but the charles and keith one is the most practical one..lolz...quite comfy considering the height..well coz its a pair fo wedges..lolz..

lately been wanting to buy a Longchamp..still thinking if i should..well the price is still affordable la...so i just need to save some money first before considering on spending on what...lolz...well..i'm back to online shopping again...lolz..dunno why.suddenly got the mood and i've seen some nice clothes on blogshops...and the price is acceptable..well i'm Kiam..i admit..hahaha...btw...i've finally got a pair of leggings...for RM20 only!!! from cotton on..lolz...the perfect one that i've been looking for...sometimes i really love Cotton On..u'll get suprises shopping there..hahahah

k la..i think i wanna watch a lil bit of PPS before sleep..lately i've found some nice series to watch..Gossip Girl sien d..always so dramatic..Desperate Housewives pun didnt really follow d dunno why...been hooked up to Taiwan 女人我最大，饭团之家，and The Good Wife...a some Hongkong series as usual...Thursday night been watching 饭团之家，cried so much til my eyes were swollen the next day...hahahhaa..its funny and touching la..hahahhaa

ok bye...
*abrupt end*

Dont Care Anymore

2010-05-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it just makes me wonder..why do i care so much bout something when someone else even care much...i tried my best to do things to accomodate so both parties will be happy bout the outcome..and what i get in return? i never asked for a moutain of gold or whatsoever for what i have done..but just simply allocate time for me...sometimes its really upsetting..that one rather go do something else which will benefit him on money wise, rather than to accompany me, watching my rehearsals...and on the other hand, i was there every week, i tried to be there as much as i can coz i know how much it means to him...even though i have nothing to do there but just sit and wait for time to pass...coz thats one of the ways we can get to see each other more...so thats something i did for us...and sometimes i really wish that i can have someone next to me, just accompany me half a day or something...but it never did happen...money comes first, other priority comes first...i tried not to end up both of us living our own lifes with no common places between us...but i guess it wouldnt be long til that happen...yes i am selfish in a way that i hope i can have more time with you...but i guess we didnt have that same thinking and opinion...

i really find it pointless sometimes to say something out, which in the end we'll only end up fighting, as it is not worth it at all seeing the fact that we're meeting up lesser and lesser each time...might as well i just keep quiet, you continue doing whatever you like, and i try not to be bothered by it, and try to spend more time doing my own things rather thinking all ways all the time on how to meet up as often as we can...coz it seems to be kinda useless and fruitless..and i'm only experiencing disappoinment over and over again..but i keep quiet...coz its not up to say what u can and what u cant do..what you should or shouldnt do...

so..i'll just keep quiet....

wonder how long rainbow will last...
好景不长在。。。

Bursting flames of Stress...

2010-05-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

hmmm..first week of my new life..nothing too different, except the fact that i'm just no longer a student anymore...what makes it more real for me is when i went to uni to complete and send in the "Completion Form" yesterday, they took back my student I.D. , which means i can no longer enjoy students rates tickets...kinda sad la...but what to do...the most challenging part is the teachings on mondays...well i guess it was rather alot of info to cope with coz all are sitting for exams, but not ABRSM board, instead its Triniti board, which i totally know nuts bout it..but thanks to a few new student, they tell me what and how the previous teacher teach them so i can continue the progress...and i really wanna thank the previous teacher who taught them...thank you so much for the student progress report that u have made for me..i makes taking over the students an easier task...but still i think i dont really know how to handle the special student..well its my first time experiencing this..and i really wish i can know how to cope with it as soon as i can..so monday is coming again..i'm scared...really...hahaha...

okay..actually i wanted to talk blog about something two weeks back..well i was really busy with my grad recital..and lets recap..things werent that pretty back then when so many things happened at a time..its a lil too much to take at one time..let alone digesting it and solving it...i think i was in a huge deal of stress, talk about high level of stress that i was coping at that time..so right after my recital..i had to rushed over to Hartamas to teach, then rushed over to Chinese Assembly Hall for concert rehearsals...that day was really a crazy day for me..no time to stop and think or look..just keep going and going and going...imagine i had bi tapaoed maggi goreng for me around 4 something..but i only had the time to eat in the car around 6 something while on our way to the rehearsals location...and i think since there i started to let loose..then i started to feel that my throat itch..and the next thing i know when on the way home from rehearsals...i fell sick...flu, cough, throat ithcy, fever...everything...but i thought it was just the aircond that made me feel sick so i didnt bother much that night..the next day..went out with Chloe and bi to kai kai and lunch...you can basically see my sick face...and i almost lost my voice...at such a crucial time that i have concert that night and the next...i took panadols to suppress the sickness..and went for the concert..at first i decided not to perform coz i have quartet the next day...weighing the importance..but in the end i felt better and so i went for it...but after concert ended..i was sick..i guess it didnt went away..what went away was the panadol effect...so my frens got me something to eat coz i didnt take dinner due to the late lunch and fever..i only had a butter bun, marble cake and milk...and i went to bed early while they went supper...and Jo was so kind to give me her bottle of honey..i need to have a good throat to be able to sing that night...and chloe kept making me honey drink...and she made me down 500ml of it at one go..hahaha...so the next day..bi was upset with me for not wanting to go to the doctors...but in the end i went coz i didnt get any better..after med i rested awhile before going to the concert venue...i felt better..but throat wasnt any good...i tried my very best to sing...i couldnt hit the right pitch..i'm outta pitch for the first time...and no voice..but i hope it was ok...mom brought her ex colleagues and the family to support...was extremely happy...and bi...why you tell my mom that i was sick...so overall it was alright..

then the next day gotta teach the entire day..so was on sunday...after teaching..i came back home.pack up some stuff..met up with my now employer...then off i went..to Terengganu...i swear to you sunday has never been better that day...i loved it...

you gotta handle your stress carefully..suitable amount of stress will drive you to success, but over stress only makes you break down...i'm sure everyone of us will have our own stress, things to be worried about that need to be taken care of...but do find time to unwind urself..destress...afterall..we're humans..not robots...we'll break down one day if we dont let loose..

p.s.: thank you so much to Jo, Chloe and Simli, especially Bi for taking care of me when i was sick...=) love you all..muahz..=D

good day everyone...=)
more working days for me...wish me luck..=)

Delusional

2010-05-03T11:28:00.003+08:00

i think is a come back of me blogging once again...maybe this is a sign of loneliness, where i got not many people around me at all times now, especially frens..being at home now feels weird...normally for the past four years, i'm only at home on saturdays and sundays...and by sunday night i'm usually back to cheras..and every monday would be dreadful to me coz having to wake up for class in the morning...and monday kicked start yet another week in uni...that was the past...and now all i can do is reminisce all of it...it aint gonna happen for me anymore..unless i get a chance to further my studies in the future..of which i think it'll be even tougher having close to no familiar people around me...back then where going to school is almost a bad experience for me..simply of me being lazy to drag my ass to school, and wake up freaking early every morning..back then i was still thinking.."gosh...how many more years do i still need to have this kinda lifestyle..." back then i was stupid enough to wanting to get out of school and start working..earning money...and now..after 18 years of formal education..i'm officially a working adult...

still trying to get used to this new phase in life..i've been too comfortable with my surroundings for so many years..and now its time to get my lazy ass moving..to earn a living so i can make ends meet...dont even dare to think about having extra money to spend..i think i'll be a successful young adult simply by just having enough to make ends meet...that'll do for now..i still have classes now..just no longer in a school setting..and now i gotta bare all of the studying costs on my own...u wont believe that now i'm working my ass off simply just to try to pay for my classes..rather than to live a life...its tough but i still gotta start somewhere...just hope that it'll be alright..everything will be smooth-sailing..

its been two nights since i moved back to my own house..didnt want to sleep until i'm dead tired...if not i would just force myself to sleep, like last night...its different..its not gonna be the same anymore..having to wake up next to someone whom i wish i can see him at all times, like how it used to be for the past four months...it was a bliss but i didnt know things could be so hard..and sleeping and waking up to another day means i'm getting older..and it makes my life as a working adult something i couldnt not admit...yes i'm being purely delusional...this is a phase...life-changing setting..i'm still trying hard to accept it..let alone coping with it...

i kept thinking back about the small escapade that i had last week...how i wish i can have a longer holiday..to be able to rest well, enjoyed more before stepping into the society..coz once u do..there's no turning back..u'll need to be commited to whatever you do..no more days when you just dont feel like attending class so you think i can just skip it, stay at home or go out with frens...no more...if u skip ur work..its either u'll have a terible time sorting out the replacements for ur students..or u'll just have lesser pay...yup..my job is not a stable job...so i better pray super hard and do my best to teach with all my heart and effort, try my best to retain them as my students..or i'm dead..

well yesterday kicked started my new phase of life...that wasnt that bad as i worked at a place i'm familiar with...but later..i'm going to a new place, new surroundings, with new students and new people...just hope everything will turn out okay at least...new challanges today...just hope i can handle it nicely...and my very first time teaching violin..just hope i'll know what i'm doing later..*keep my fingers crossed tightly*

well on a brighter side..tomorrow i can go back to cheras..and i'll be there til saturday..thats at least something that i can look forward to...

okay...i'm going to try to prepare myself mentally and physically now..update later at night on how things goes for me...

ciaoz...

Thank you, Bi...

2010-04-30T14:09:00.002+08:00

just came back from terengganu, reached cheras at about 3am...
a trip up north, was just what i really needed after a long, winding, tired path that i just been thru...talking bout leaving all the problems behind, and just go enjoy your life as though u dont belong in the city...it was heaven..trust me..it really was..i had a great time just by doing nothing, sitting at the beachside, watching the waves washed up the shores, enjoying the sea breeze late at night...just hanging around with my beloved and another fren of ours...
the three days in redang, i've been thinking alot..bout the past, mostly...what happened about a year ago that brought us together in the end, what had just happened lately that broke me into a million piece but still i gotta move on with my life, and i'm really glad to still have those that really stay by my side despite all that happened...to make myself realise that i shouldnt even be too upset about what had happened coz it all only proves to me, who are my true friends..and thanks to bi who sticked up for me when people start spreading things to my disadvantage, believes in me..thats when i trully see the true side of him...things might not be pretty always but i know he'll be right next to me at all times..i just went thru the hard way to see it...i've learnt to let go..to not care too much on things that doesnt worth me doing so...i think i'll be happier..but that doesnt change much of me for still wanting to treat other people as sincerely as i can, with all my heart..i must know...we shouldnt expect the exact effort that we give others..if one who trully appreciates you, no matter what u'll still be willing to care for them coz you love them...but if one who doesnt, you dont even need to be sad about it coz u have done your part, and you certainly dont need to say goodbye, just leave..
it breaks me, always having to worry about how people think of me since all that happened..coz i do not know what others had said..and i try hard not to care anymore..if they really wanna be frens with me, no matter what others say...they wont judge...there's always two sides to a story..and dont worry i will no say much bout my part of the story, unless you come ask me personally...if u deserve to know..i will tell..no matter..i believe on my stand, no matter how ugly things people have said about me...everything thing that comes out of my mouth, every single thing that i've done now i think at least ten times about it before doing or saying it...its tired to have to live a life this way...but u can never blame me to being too carefull...
i have been thinking about my future..things that are going to happen next...me as a working adult..been trying to be delusive about it coz its hard to accept it...it means i can no longer depend on anyone anymore..that i have more responsibilities laid on my shoulders from now on..that i'm going to have lesser time spend with bi coz i'll be busy working..although i've tried to allocate time for us, but he still gotta work while studying...i'm fearful of my lifestyle..how is it gonna be..i tried not to think about it but now i'm back here..i gotta do what i gotta do...just cross my fingers and hope things will work out for the best of everything...

my Redang and Terengganu trip was almost a makan trip...thanks to bi who brought us makan makan all the local delicious food...and he'd gained some weight..muahahhaa...it was fun..especially in Redang...i've tried diving but i'm so paranoid that i just cant relax..in the end i didnt join them for their discover diving trip..but still i had fun snorkelling with bi's sis-in-law, michelle...sorry bi wasted your effort..i'll try again the next time i go..okay?? hehee..overall i'd had a great great time in there with all of them..thanks to bi's family, his babysitter who cooked us a wonderful meal that i swear it was the bestest potato chicken on earth apart from my mom's..hahhaa..i've also bought myself a pario..but too bad i only bought it the morning we were about to leave redang..but nevermind...the next time i'm going back there i'm gonna bring along my pario and ask the aunty to teach my how to wrap it..hahaha...i'm already missing Redang so much..wondering when will be the next time that i can go back there again..sigh...although i'll be going terengganu again in June for bi's bro's wedding...speaking of which..i havent choose song to perform yet..*die*....

so...its time to back to reality...T________________T

again...Thank you bi, and your family, for everything..and thank you dennis, for adding colors to this trip..=)

It takes two to clap...

2010-04-17T22:51:00.005+08:00

to summarize my saturday..it has been a good and bad one...lolz...saturday is always my busiest day in a week, working from 10.30 straight til 5.30...that is if no replacements or delays in schedules...i like my saturdays...coz its the busiest of all and it can keep me occupied at all times..dont even have time to think of anything else...

today has been extraordinaryly free...coz of all the 12 students only 3 showed up..then i was thinking, finally one saturday i can go home early and start unpacking my own things at my house (i'm in the midst of moving back to my own house, a place call HOME)...then i went to take my car and left..once i left the garden's carpark..thats when my nightmare started..i've been stuck in MV city for AN HOUR....T_____________________T and i dunno why its so freaking jam that it makes me wanna cry...T______________T and it did not even help a bit when my headache decided to strikes again although i've taken panadol before leaving for work this morning..and the headache has been with me since yesterday evening...so finally i got out of the freaking MV City...went back thru federal highway...then it decided to jam AGAIN outside Naza...T___________T jam all the way til the turning to subang....

and now for the main course, the main highlight of the day...i was just replying eddy's text, telling him that i just entered subang...while he was already in puchong teaching...sienz...then just when i was on the turning into Subang, near SJMC there..i looked at the dashboard and to my biggest horror....the radiator meter HIT RED LINE!!!! which means my car is heating up...BOILING actually....i panicked...quickly think of a place where i can stop and seek help...many places flashed thru my mind but i worry that my car couldnt drive any longer...so i choose to stop at SJMC...then i quickly made phone calls to my dad and my bro..they said they're already on their way rushing over to help me...and at the same time..there was this security pak cik...he helped me by asking me to open the bonnet to let it cool down abit...then seeing that its going to rain soon the kind pak cik asked me to park at another place, road side so if rain i could run into the hospital for shelter and at the same time i can look after my car...i moved my car over there, and waited outside the car for my dad or bro to come to my rescue...suddenly a malay guy on motorcycle stopped over infront of my car...i was shocked but i tried to keep a distance, then only to realise that he helped me to see if he can do something with my car...then the security pak cik came over with a bottle of his drinking water and he offered to let me use to cool down my car...coz not enough and he ran up and down a few times into the hospital to get more water for me while the other malay guy help me with cooling down the car engine...then another car stopped by next to mine..asked what happened...then he also came down to help me check what is wrong exactly...i think i was there for about 10-15 mins...they really helped me out alot...consolling me that it'll be alright..dont worry i can drive it home..teach me how to cool it down again if it happens to heat up when i'm on my way back...tell me patiently that what are the possibilities that all of these happened...so i can inform my dad...and they did not ditch me when it started to rain...i panicked like shyt coz its starting to rain and its gonna be a raining cats and dogs and my dad or bro is nowhere to be seen...called my dad..and he appeared while i was on the phone with him..luckily...dad checked the car...talked to the malay guys...and my bro and his gf arrived shortly...i was so greatful that my family rushed over from different place to help me...and i had so many people to help me....thank god seriously..if not i think i would just panic and dunno what i can do but just stand there and wait for my dad...T___________________T

seriously...THANK YOU PAK CIK, THANK YOU BOTH OF THE MALAY MEN WHO HELPED ME...i dunno your names but i know all of you are working in SJMC, one is security, one is a chef, and another i have no idea...but you know who you are and most importantly, me, my family and GOD knows...so thank you so much and GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU....=)

then from there i dare not drive that car anymore..so i followed my mom while my dad drove my car back home..lol....

thats roughly sums up my eventful Saturday....next week gonna be super crazy til can die...hopefully all goes well...*fingers crossed*

Monday and Tuesday: practice and rehearsal
Wednesday: Grad Recital, working and concert rehearsal
Thursday: Concert
Friday: class replacement for students and Concert
Saturday: Work whole day without breaks
Sunday: Work, meet up with someone, then off to Terengganu...

n then i wont be back til thursday or friday...hahaha...so see if i have time to update or i have anything particular that i wanna blog about...

btw i'm now bloggin from my bro's new 22'' LCD widescreen monitor....SWEET...i want one for myself too...=p

til then..
toodles...
good day to all...=)

烂。

2010-04-15T23:07:00.004+08:00

i couldnt remember when was the last time i had a decent appetite, a decent sleep or rest..its been really tiring...sometimes i just sit there and wonder all the things that happened...and i finally know that there's no point to say a word anymore...i'm tired...i couldnt care about it anymore..

i'm 烂 maybe coz i just simply wont accept what people tells me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i just wont listen to other people...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i did not appreciate the things that people did for me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i take things and people for granted..
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never consider other's feelings when doing something...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never make effort...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never think that people are forgiving me all the times...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i sometimes care too much how people hurt me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i only think about the bad things about people, and not their good traits...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i only know how to blame other people but not myself...

i finally realise that justice is not always there...there's been to many cases where justice is never served..bended truth...but then there's nothing we can do...i kept fighting for a fair treatment for myself, in the end i just got hurt...so now i give up...its not worth it anymore...
i'm always reminded to keep quiet and not say too much, to save myself from troubles..i thought i'm doing it..but it seems that i'm not, at all...
its difficult to find a balance point where you keep quiet, but not too quiet until you keep yourself alienated from other people...

maybe right from the start i should have just kept quiet and all of these would never happened...if only...but its good to know anyways...true frens are those that came and never left...
silence is gold...sometimes, being alone is not a bad thing afterall...

So?

2010-04-13T04:16:00.002+08:00

so now...it is as though everything is my fault...at first things just started when all they could do is just to text me..it was just a text away..yet nobody bothers to do it..and then i kept quiet..but didnt want to dig up things to say...and now things are all digged up..even the things from 3 years ago...i kept asking the question...why do you accuse me for being not understanding and having bad intentions when right in the first place i have no idea anything that had happened...and this question is never answered..simply by steering away with digging up old stuff to talk about...saying that i did not thank the people who fetched me...oh yea i just remembered that i DID...even though not verbally all the time..but i was so greatful and i posted it in my blog YEARS ago..i dunno if you feel left out for not having anything to say or what but you dun need to bring out things that doesnt happened in the first place...then said that i did not thank those that helped with my program book, of which i'm totally sure that i THANKED them before i left...and their names are printed on the appreciation page of the booklet...so is this not being thankful or appreciating ppl's help??

i choose to keep quiet to stop all of these, but in the end i got mocked for doing so...so is this a challenge or what??

so all of you have a fair say of how i treated every single one of you...okay...so hereby I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I DID WRONGLY SIMPLY COZ I'M NATURALLY BAD-TEMPERED and that I'M SELFISH..and to APOLOGIZE FOR NOT THANKING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU EVERY TIME WHEN YOU GUYS HELPED ME...

whatelse do you guys wanna say about me??to condemn me??go ahead..i know i havent been a good person with good temper...and i've put every single one of you thru a hell of a time..SO SORRY ABOUT THAT...

okay..just to be fair...
the things you guys said to me...like the presents i got was ugly, how to use, the presents i plan to buy is cheap...me worked my ass off rushing up and down to run errands but in the end i was criticized...and the meeting was supposed to be at 9pm suddenly changed to 10pm and i dunno why is that so, and i did not know what happened the other day and was accused that i'm not understanding and have any intentions of some sort, being said that i'm not going to make effort to come back for the meeting when i was thinking a way to how to settle it and in the end i did made effort to come back...suddenly became my fault coz i simply love to complain bout everything and push the blame to everyone else but not myself...and that i'm being selfish...

maybe i was wrong maybe i was right...i'm not sure..but i just want to know if there are two person commenting bout the flowers, or just one??coz i was told that it was only one person who stated all the comments...

so maybe right from the start i'm the person at fault..that i didnt know what happened..and that i didnt know that they got movie plans..and that i did not bother to check with them...but do i deserved to be accused that way??

so now i'm only left with two choices...to talk face to face..end it once and for all, or to keep quiet, remain my silence, and leave uni...either way...there's no turning back for this frenship coz the wounds are digged up, deeper and deeper...so if i do get to voice out my part of the story, will anyone of of you willing to listen without judging first?or no matter what my stories are, all of you already have in mind how's the ending??

if you already have in mind that i'm this kinda person who doesnt appreciate the things people do for me, that i'm not understanding...i dont think there's even need for me to say a word more..simple as that becoz right in the message, when i was told to say out my feelings, in the end all of it just being turned around to attack me, to shoot me down, doesnt matter how horrible i felt in the situation...thats why i said it is pointless for me to explain..coz all of these are just old stories from the past that is being digged out from the grave, going round and round and it never ends, where the main question is never answered right from the start..

i'm getting exhausted, trying to get people to understand my point, where it is always distracted...and saying that i do not bother to explain, do not put in effort to maintain the frenship...

is all of these my fault??maybe it is......

Focus on the dot...

2010-04-12T17:59:00.002+08:00

its only just a week away to my graduation recital...i should just focus extra hard on it and not let anything else distract me from what i should do...almost two more weeks and i'm outta this place..i dunno whether this is gonna be a good thing or bad...at one point i used to think that i'm gonna miss the people around here..and after what had happened..it doesnt worth that much anymore...maybe she's right..i'm putting all my heart in a thing, that i care too much...thats why in the end i feel so hurt...just like in gossip girl where chuck opened up his heart to his "mother" but in the end it was just a scam by his uncle jack to hurt him badly...

its comforting to know that i have someone to remind me that i'm not totally wrong..yes i admit that its my fault for shouting and yelling in the first place..but i've apologized for it..but right where the moment accusations are made on me..it was already too much..all i'm asking is to be fair to me..as it is fair to your part...

i did not want to say anything simply i know its pointless, and also try to minimize the impact...but since wounds are digged deeper...there's already no turning back..and this is what i'm trying to avoid...if only someone could have understand what i was doing...sometimes things are just better left unsaid...

its just a pity that such a frenship of 4 years ends up in this kinda situation...

lesson to be learn from this scenario, never open ur heart to anyone..until you know the person well enough that the person's worth you effort and heart..if not you're just gonna be hurt...yes i may be sound like a selfish person...but coz i worked too hard to please other people simply a sentence by my mom who affected me to be what i am today..thats why i am hurt so deeply coz i care too much...the level of commitment for each other is already different since the very first day..different perspective, different understanding...so i have nobody to blame for all that i've got...maybe this is what i'm asking for..this is what i've putting myself into all these while...

no matter what other people gonna say about this thing, i know where do i stand..and i know that it wasnt me who push the whole thing up to this level...people may spread things to my disadvantage, but i'm going to stand still to my point, my stand for dignity...

Selfish-ness

2010-04-11T22:45:00.003+08:00

like i've said...nobody will side me when something happened..not even the closest person to me..THANK YOU seriously...

i've been always the bad guy, i am always the bad guy, and i will always the bad guy no matter what i do...

According to you, i'm not understanding..

According to you, i'm up to something with all the things that i've done..as though i have intentions of some sort..

According to you, you wont blame me but right behind me i'm sure u'll say ugly things about me..

the efforts and 用心 nobody ever sees it, but every single lil things that u guys did...u glamourize it...

its been so many times..until i couldnt remembered what and when exactly..coz i chose to forget all of them becoz i love u all..even when i heard things that hurt me so much..i just kept it inside of me...and that..did u guys know it??

everytime u said u understand how i feel, ask me to think of how others would feel...i've been doing that..and in return...did u guys ever think of how i felt??

stop saying and pretending that u care...it makes me wanna laugh so hard when i hear u saying that...

there's been so many times that i've kept quiet coz i know when i say it out it will be hurtful to the others..but u guys just say it right infront of my face...and its not once..but many time that i've been verbally slapped...then u will say..."u can tell us straight...thats how i am..there's anything i need to say i will say.." yea right...so when i said it out loud...the reactions i get is always the opposite...and in the end..its as though my fault for keeping quiet...

so..is it my fault that i dunno whats happening today?? u just decided to blame it all on me..saying what intentions i have by doing so, saying that i'm not understanding when one the other hand, any changes of plans...NOBODY inform me...at all...and worried that i'll be talked bad that i wont wanna come back for the meeting, i purposedly asked my mom to cook dinner earlier so i can be back early for the meeting...but u guys just decided to delay it..when we've already agree on the time..and didnt even care to inform me..whom u guys made me as the leader...i did not ask for it...but since u guys made the decision,shouldnt u think that to show a tiny tad of respect if u guys wanna delay the meeting???no u guys didnt inform me...u guys informed another person...so...the question here is..who is HUEYHSIANG??who is ur HOUSEMATE??

and right from the beginning, i didnt even scold or what..i'm just asking u guys how come the last minute changes??and not informing me at all??and then..there u go...accusing me that i'm not understanding and i''m having intentions...so is these fair to me???think about it...

nobody is selfless..NOBODY...so from now on..i'm gonna be as selfish as all the ppl out there...i'm not gonna be goody-two-shoes anymore...

and thankx alot to those who trully cares...

=(

2010-04-09T00:01:00.004+08:00

极度灰心到我根本没有mood要吃我的晚餐。

i heard an aunty said that...sometimes when 你对人家好，especially 你的朋友，他们未必会对你好，反而会作出伤害你的事情。我觉得非常有道理。sometimes i'm so damn sick of it, but i just kept quiet and keep everything to myself, or pretending that i dunno, dun care, never seen..but sometimes its just 令我太过disappointed, 就好像这次。。。sometimes when you wish that someone would just understand how you feel, and just stand right by ur side to support you...but too bad, 我找不到这样的一个人在我的身边。往往都是我一个人孤身作战，就显得我是坏人。。。

人生啊。。。

快要崩溃了。。。好想哭哦。。。

Lava Lava...

2010-04-08T17:34:00.003+08:00

the weather's been really unbearably hot!!! and i've been sweating like mad even when i'm sleeping...this is crazy..please give us some rain...its almost unbearable especially during the night...=(

this is a crazy month for me..being so busy, and extra busy this month, no excuse for me for being lazy at all..althoug i admit that i've lazying around a lil more than i should, especially when grad is just around the corner..counting down to less than 2 weeks...yet i dont really feel much for it...it doesnt seem real, or maybe i'm just refuse to accept the fact that i'm leaving my uni life, to being a working adult in the society...i think imma gonna miss it much...=( speaking of my preparation for grad...seriously i dont think i'm ready at all, but i know this is what i gotta do, and so i must go for it, do my best. funny thing, during my first rehearsals at the BOS Hall with Ms. Choi, i think i played rather well that day, not bothered much by the new Steinway; but just now's group class, it was a total mess..i guess its the audience and the croud which i'm not used to...and this is something really bad, which i desperately need to overcome before my grad so i wont mess it up...sometimes i wish Ms. Choi would tell me more on where and how i should improve on my pieces, but she doesnt..she didnt say much...does it means that i'm almost ready or she doesnt think that i could change anything on my pieces in such short time??

group class just now was a huge mess...slips and wrong notes in all pieces, and Mendelssohn was a rush...why am i so bothered with the presence of audience?? sigh...i almost bang my head on the wall to make a hole so that i could hide myself inside...=( this is bad...so if imma to play like that, how am i gonna pass my grad recital??sometimes i think i'm just taking everything too easily since my rehearsal in BOS hall.. and after group class just now, it put me back on track that i SHOULD BE WORRIED bout my grad...

anyways...been spending money like nobody's business since end of last month..just in these two weeks i've spend so much...

i've dyed my hair, which according to my hair stylist, i'm not even dying my hair..=S but i swear is obvious in real life...i think i'm gonna get nagging again when i go home this weekend, or i'm lucky enough to pass it thru if my mom wont notice, just like the first time i dyed my hair 2 years ago..she only questioned me like after 6 months or so after i dyed my hair...she's funny...

and i've bought clothes..at one go...a trip down to Pavillion and i'm dry when i came back home..lolz...but i swear the most expensive one is the black&white striped one piece dress which cost under 70bucks..oh yea..the purple dress is about 70 something, bought it last last weekend..well nevermind..coz i need nicer working clothes anyways since i'm going to be working full time next month onwards...good investments...=D *self-console...so sad...*

oh yea...last weekend after work, i stayed back in MV to kai kai..and i spend some of my allowance on buying new lingeries for myself..2 bras and one undies cost almost as much as my boughts above...so u do the counting urself...XD

so, now i'm dried on cash..wonder how am i gonna survive the remaining month...*die*

Worthy

2010-03-29T14:27:00.003+08:00

okay..this is something worth blogging about...
seriously why is everything so wrong today...woke up with a heavy head..i feel dizzy since i woke up...thought going to class will make myself feel better..but wrong!!! nothing seems to be right..so...i just try to channel my focus on something else...and just now i almost got into an accident...i nearly hit ppl's car..luckily that nigerian or whoever is kind enough..he wasnt pleased coz i almost hit his car..but i apologized quickly..then he said its ok..no problem..and luckily...LUCKILY...nothing happened to both of our cars...sigh..whats the problem with me??? how i can i even step on the accelerator when its in reverse gear...so please kill me..i tell you...seriously my day has just gone from bad to worse...

imagine...what if i really hit his car??how am i gonna explain to my dad??and i think i'll be in a deep deep trouble if i did...sigh...so i think i should be greatful...=(

but still...i feel terrible right now...

Chemistry

2010-03-28T17:49:00.002+08:00

up to a point in life where i dont feel that i'm respected.. always living a life to please the people around you. its funny how a person live their live..one may be living their own way, not bothering how people think of himself, and another doing all sorts of things to please other people, but not himself. life is sad..really...sometimes i think back, why do i work so hard??in the end, what do i get? so if i've reach my aim??what is for??

i used to be valued for who i am...and i'm not now..maybe i'm just invisible, feelingless, or a piece of rubbish...i used to enjoy life so much, spending time with those that i love. but now i find myself looking for more job opportunity, to make a living of my own...now i realise that in order to survive it aint easy...and i think i cant even survive...so most of the time i spend thinking of ways of how to save as much as i can and where to look for job...i've becoming money faced..its all about the money...and yet i worked so hard for the money...it aint enough..its like it doesnt mean anything to me...

come to think of it...whats worth with my life and the things that i'm doing right now???

its like....P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S......

Edge of the Cliff

2010-03-28T00:34:00.003+08:00

its a gruelsome time for me since weeks ago..i admit that i've taken things to easily..thinking that aaaahhhh it'll be okay...right til few weeks back when i trully woke up from my dream to realise that i'm not left with much time to work on things that i havent been doing since months ago...i keep putting myself on the edge of a cliff..on and off telling myself that i should stop dreaming and start working my ass off...and some time i let myself to slow things down...

i'm not on my bestest days, bestest moment of my life...i'm not feeling fine..i'm always worn out everyday despite having more than enough sleeps...i feel extraordinaryly tired, never like before..and its unexplainable..up til night when i'm dead tired, i'm lying on bed, worrying about my GR..and there are nights when i just couldnt sleep worrying bout it...wanting to lock myself into a piano room that is if i have one, and practise til i drop..sometimes when i have other things to do, i seek relaxation, telling myself that i really need one..and once i fall, i really fall deep...and it takes so much effort to pull myself back into place...and once i'm in work, i wont stop...i feel like doing my program note now even though i'm dead tired, having been working whole day...

i think i'm nearing the point of breaking down..every now and then i talk about suicide, giving up..i keep forcing myself to keep going and going and going and i once i do i cant stop..coz if i do, i'll break down immensely...i feel so tired..i really wanna give up...i'm in a truckload of stress and i dunno how much more of these i could handle...at one point where i keep doubting about my skills and ability, and at another i'll convince myself that i'm doing alright...its like i have double identity and mind...split personality...am i sick???

i know i dont have a choice to choose if i get to stop or what...coz all these while i've been working my ass out pleasing people...and i've neglected myself...my needs...

i'm always sitting on top of the sharp knife so i'm wide aware of what i need to do...and that i'm always cautious and conscious of what i should do..and just focus and keep going nonstop...

i'm dead tired....

is there a way out??

When U Dont Need to Say a Word

2010-03-27T23:48:00.003+08:00

title of this post..says exactly how i feel these few days...sometimes i really find myself working my ass out to make people happy...yea they do..pretend to be infront of me..and then i accidentally heard what they really have to say...and i'm totally not pleased about it...sometimes its not the things that counts but the thoughts behind the things.so what'd ya expect if ur paying a few bucks for some cheap ass stuff when u didnt even make an effort to get the thing.and when u finally sees it then u start to give lots of comments like..how come it look so dead...should have got it from other places...and HAH!!!! i was nearby and i heard every single word...seriously E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. W.O.R.D. crystal clear...seriously lo...that is something that u really dont need to do..really..and i would greatly appreciate that...and so..thats one issue...i guess i already fell out of the place...coz most of the time i feel left out..and guess what!!! nobody even bother to explain or to tell me..they're just in their lil own world..laughing away at their inside joke...how funny....seriously...i did not enjoy one bit of that night...not even the tiniest bit...and then when i asked to take pic using my cam..i was I.G.N.O.R.E.D. totally...i said a few times..no one cares to listen anyway..coz they're too busy talking with other people about their cool gadgets...so i just walked away..pretending that nothing happened...and i gotta see all those stupid showing off acts right infront of my eyes..seriously...there is no one word to describe...

so this is the feeling of being left out...how do ya feel??great??

another thing i find it so ironic...its when people starting to poke their nose into people's business and start to give advise as though they're the pro in that matter..and when ur telling me that i should be like this..like that...and then behind me...u talking bad about me on what i did...infront of him...asking his point of view regarding my attitude and behavior...seriously i dont need this at all..this is so Hypocritical!!!!what are u trying to point out??what are u trying to achieve??stop talking so much when ur not even a good example to refer to...

people dont do such a thing to other people, people...u get my point...guess this is my life..always ending up in the same position over and over again...

thats why i say...i always dont get to voice out while some does...and is it better if i just dont say a word???pretending that i never heard, never know, never seen, dont have feelings, am invisible???

Valentines and CNY

2010-02-12T14:48:00.002+08:00

i'm going back home tonight...coz 2mr is the cny eve and i'm going back to melacca to celebrate cny as usual..frens have gone back to their home town...supposed to replace classes for wuji...luckily i listened to my mom who suggested that i asked the principal to confirm with the students if they're coming for class today...and my mom is a genius...none will attend..so in the end i got nothing to do..haha..so dun need to go all the way there to realise that i dun have students to teach...lolz...okay so i'm bored at bi's home now...still got some stuff that i havent pack up yet..only packed up my clothes..lolz...gonna get to it soon..hahaha..

okay...hmmm this week has been a bit more fun than usual..coz its the week before cny...so most of us already in holiday mood...i realise there's not much of a cny mood in KL in these recent years..dunno why...so on wednesday..i had a quite a day at Hartamas teaching..reached back cheras around 10 plus since i left house at 1 something..reached back then joined Lingling they all for L4D2..1st time playing that night and i was the mad kao huge L4D noob...i tell you...seriously i am the dumbest when it comes to game like this...i cant even run up the strairs nicely..i will just fall down...ahahhaa...fail big time...T_______T'' there were four of us in the team...eddy, me, chloe, and andrew...chloe and i were like the two that mempersiasuikan the other two guys...and we never managed to finished half of the journey coz we died kena attacked by the zombies..lolz...and andrew was the one thats always the Super Hero...fighting all alone til he also die in the end..hahahaha...so people...i've tried it and dont like it...i rather play games like diner dash although its damn lame or whatever la...hahaha...so after L4D..we went yamcha to relax abit..too tensed d..hahaha..then i suggested to go pasar malam...normally the pasar malam closes at around 1am...but coz its nearing cny it close at 2pm..so we went after yamcha...which was about 1am d...and there were still lots of people...wanted to find firecrackers...but i guess we went there too late...all the stalls selling those illegal stuff already closed...and we only managed to find a stall selling PopPop...hahaha..and so we bought only that...although we tried to convince the uncle to bring out more geng stuff...but he kept laughing at said he dont sell those..so no choice lo..ahahah...before reachin home we already started to play at the parking, in the lift and at the corridoor..then some of them threw down from the window from the 9th floor..hahaha...luckily the Policemen yamchaing downstairs didnt saw us..hahaha...

then yesterday, bi wanted to go for last minute shopping...so we went to 1U...i semangat wannna buy heels but didnt see anything that i really like...and bi wanted to get some Tees..but in the end nothing nice too..so last night's shopping we only got ourselves face stuff..he got his bioterm and i got my makeup remover...well finally decided that i should get a proper makeup remover as i've been using baby oil or facial wipes to remove my make up all these while...i know..horror sure will strike those that know baby oil is not the good way of removing makeup..hahaha..i think i shocked the girl working at the shop too..hahahha...then came back lepak and pack up some stuff...chloe painted my nails for me...thanx alot dear...=D and then gambling session with HongHong and He Yuan Chao, eddy, Chloe, me and Tian Kiat...lolz...but i lost rm2 and stopped playing..seriously eddy too geng ad...about two weeks ago we gambled and eddy was the biggest winner...and i lost like shyt...so i guess this year is a bad year for me to gamble..hahaha

ok sien to the max..i'm just thinking of getting a makeup pouch to put in all my face stuff...more and more things ad and it would be troublesome if i need to bring so many bottles around everytime i go anywhere..hmmm but i didnt see any that i really like though..

okay gonna watch series..

bye happy CNY...

Considerations

2010-01-27T03:09:00.002+08:00

i'm thinking of closing this blog down since i dont even write that often anymore..am busy with my work and studies now...and i dont think i have the mood to write here anymore..not that anyone cares right....

i guess there are not anyone out there that can be bothered with me anyways...

hmmmmm...

k bye...

??!!

2010-01-15T12:09:00.003+08:00

Okay my blog is officially dead...sigh this is so sad man...i used to love blogging so much that i just wanna write out everything on my blog...dunno why lately i just have nothing to write about besides feeling lazy..hahaha...

actually i've got quite some pictures lying about in my lappy folders..waiting to be editted so that i can post them up in fb and or here...last year's xmas's pics...hmmmm...
ever since uni reopens again...i feel like i'm damn no life like that lo...nothing much happen everyday....study...classes...working...tired..then rest at home...or i think that its nothing worth me blogging bout...so sad right...hahahahah

aih ok la this year is gonna be a tough one again..preparing for grad...then am taking vocal and violin exams...together with the teaching that i've committed to...stress stresss stressssss!!!!!....

okay i'm lost with words...dunno what to say...i'm hungry...but waiting for bi to wake up...T____T

oh did i told you that i almost lost my cam during the xmas season last year??? but alas i did still manage to find it back..thanx to the kind people in the restaurant...=)....and right before that my cam fell onto the floor and tercalar d...sakit hati then...but aaaaihhhhh..what to do...
ok nothing else to say d....

byebye

Chiplak updates...

2009-12-15T00:56:00.009+08:00

as the title says..Chiplack updates..one post fill with many many short updates of all the back-logged pictures and events..hahaha...decided to update my blog for good coz i'm seriously bored here..having totally nothing to do...hahahha

okay this first update is on this year's mooncake festivals..my family and uncles and grandparents had dinner in a restaurant somewhere near Sri Petaling..i dunno whats that place call..but i can show u directions to it..hahaha

some egg dish...with chinese wine i think..abit weird..

stir-fry vege...

pumpkin sauce poultry..this is really good

and huge ass prawns...damn fresh lo..and its cooked then and there on our table..by pouring chinese wine onto it.how it is cooked is by placing lots of heated stones under the prawns in the pot..and once u pour in the wine..u must quickly cover the pot with its lid and there will be lots of asap coming out from the pot..and few minutes later the prawn is ready to be served..=) damn nice this dish...

steamed fish with tauchu

Tauhu...

another dish by my bro..prawns shell..hahahaha...

we then went back to grandma's house for prayings..

uncle's dog whos now staying with my grandparents..its name is Shorty..coz he's short..hahahaha

KL jalan Alor's famous beef balls noodles..reminded me of dear's gigging days for the past two months...

my last Choir Concert..muahahhaa..with sopranos..

the crazy four sistas..hahaha..which fathered by Terrence..ahahaha..let me tell you who's the eldest..the tiniest is the eldest of us four...muahahahahhaa...

Kenry and i

one of our many performing days...our performance in UM...going for dinner after performance..

good times..=)

comin up are a series of photos taken during dear and his frens' band competition in Hartamas

Eekee who's tipsy after having calsberg...

me, Emma and Maggie

the "ki siao" boyfren and i..hahahha

Halloween 2009

last minute plan..we are the normal couple.

the halloween couple..hahahaha..imagine bumpin into them right there at pavillion then..i was surprised to see them in makeups..haha..only both of them dressed up for halloween in the entire mall...i kid you not..=D

us again

looked so fine-dining kan??hahahaha...some pumpkin salad..nice...oh btw this restaurant is located at the ground floor of pavillion..crystal jade something..hahaha..next to a mexican restaurant la..

Shopping trip to 1U

we had late lunch at Italiannese..my first time there...did u know i'm an Italian food freak??hahahah..also japanese food freak...

ze smoothies...

Chloe with our appetiser..its yummy and healthy..

our main course..yummy..=)

Ling and thiery ordered vegie pizza and some pasta angelhair...(behind the pizza)

Lala and Vic's appetiser, minnestrone soup

and before i came back to shah alam...tuesday night..we had a 3 months break from Dithyrambic practise...so bibi brought me to FullHouse...

fish with some berries sauce...

Chicken chop i think...

mashed potatoes..this is the best among all...but yet the sauce spoiled the mashed potatoes..sigh...i think the place is just okay despite all the hooohahhs i heard before..hmmm wont think i'll go there again..dunno why...it just wont make me feel like i would like to go there again...

we got ourselves necklaces...pretty necklaces..=)

thats all for now...gonna update bout more recent events soon...

night night and g'bye...=)

Pain that Breathes

2009-12-03T12:27:00.002+08:00

i wont say that i'd missed you simply coz u werent and arent around...

since when have i got so dependent of you?

this is what people call LOVE

but its a weakness to me...

keeping myself strong is what i do most of the time..

keeping my poise,

as fearful to some,

as proud to some,

as silly to some,

as stubborn to some...

there are just many pictures to who i really am beneath the poise that i keep holding onto so strongly...

but afterall..i'm just another imperfect human in the world..

one who makes mistakes over and over again...

one who believes that let pain breathe through them so to make them stronger...

is it stronger? or is it an immune to the pain?

how i wished i could sleep longer, wake up later...

so that time will pass easily...

no it did not happened...

waiting for some text message alert on my cell...

its like waiting for rain to fall upon the desert...

so rare...and so hard to wait for...

which accidentally remind myself of the same I, same time last year...

my strong poise is falling apart now..

i'm so tearful now..

tears fall easily just like a blink of an eye...

stress load i may have been put on lately??

stubborn-ness in me thats obstructing myself from moving forward??

problems with no solutions to it??

is it wrong to think about the past?

its not like its worth any rememberance to it...

but just another theme to my mega-huge sonata....or should i said an interlude??

the past, the present, the future...

when you realise that that used-to-be-special-someone is just another pitstop in your long journey...

it makes u let go even easily...

knowing that the pitstop is just one of the many that you will stopby in ur journey,

makes it no longer in any significance to you...

pain that breathes,

are more powerful than pain that pierce ur thru or cut u up in to many many pieces...

it is for that they live in you...

unlike the latter which would heal eventually with time, eventhough they give you scars...

pain that breathes...

your's trully,

Clarrise HueyHsiang.

Imperfectly Perfect

2009-12-03T02:33:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when words do not express your thoughts, what will you turn to?
when one does not say a word, merely just keeping quiet...what is the person thinking??
sometimes keeping quiet is a good time to keep ur mind to urself, thinking and seeing other point of views toward a matter, and sometimes you do see things more crystal clear..
i thought you werent like that...but somehow you proved me wrong...or maybe was i too sensitive to feel it in the first place..i was there alone...with strangers whom i do not know...and you left with there all alone with them...without even looking back at me to check if i was alright there...yes you did not...nevermind..its okay...
left alone with a bunch a strangers...this feeling, this scene wasnt awkward to me at all as i was so used to it in the past..that its starting to haunt me now...nevermind..its okay...
sometimes when i do not speak, there is a reason behind it...
sometimes when i throw my temper, there are reasons behind it...
i once heard PMS is created by the guys to be used on girls when they simply let go of their temper on them..hence the infamous PMS excuse...
unlike guys, girls' mind and thinking are far more complex...

there are few times that i found that by keeping quiet it will save us lots of time from argueing with each other..
coz from the moment you give me no response to a matter...i know no matter how people hurt me, in the end you will either give me no response again, or worse still, it will end up even uglier with us fighting...and then it will be me who's the one who's bad tempered...yes i admit i am not a person with good temper and patience...nevermind..its my fault...

hurting one without doing it...sounds impossible no?? from the moment you raised your voice at me..almost shouting...there is no turning back...and it will be another mark in our history...and one day one of us might regret doing it when looking back...but who can turn back the time? not even god...whats done its done...

sometimes i feel sorry for the words that came out from my mouth without putting much thoughts and consideration to it...and no matter how much i regretted it i can never take them back...so does other people...if you think people's making a scene or drama on what you had said...its only so because you are the one who allow all that to happen to you by saying something stupid in the begining...

keeping quiet does keeps one away from lots of dramatic scenes..but often when one keeps quiet for too long..somehow or another some people will take advantage of that and bully you...but when you try to speak up for ur own rights and thoughts..people whom you thought will be on your side, instead, just keep quiet, or actually thinks that its no big deal, in fact that you're just making a scene, or seeking attention from others..

is there any justice?? is it worth seeking justice as prejudice will rule in the end??

this post is dedicated to you, my imperfectly perfect boyfren..you know that term??=)

good night and good morning fellow earth people...=)

have a great night sleep, or have a fab day ahead of you..=)

with love...

Dead

2009-11-26T13:04:00.003+08:00

so should i just officiall announce that this blog is so dead that i bet no one stepped into this site for some time??

Just call me plain lazy..i no longer find the motivation to camwhore or to take picture even whenever i go out, just like i how i used to be...maybe i dont find any reason to take pics anymore..and even if i did..the amount of photo is what i can describe as...SAD...so thats why i dun even bother to post it up here..and just leave them to rot in my cam, in my handbag..hahaha..gosh i'm such a meanie...

my wisdom tooth is hurting again since days ago..shyt..everytime when i'm up to something important it'll start to hurt..just like months ago when i was bout to leave for Korea for performance..it got so bad that it swollen like shyt and i couldnt even speak properly, up til the extend that i couldnt even close my mouth...and now i'm like a week away from my competition and here comes the pain..i'm not too worried bout the pain..just the swelling part..talking bout the PERFECT TIMING...=__="

hmmm...talking bout competition, dunno what am i gonna do with my hair..its at a state that its not too long nor too short..sigh...i miss my hair...=( am gonna keep it long again..but dunno how many gazillion years it'll take...+_____+

hmmm everything's been great this year..i love this year..i've accomplished much...it has been very interesting..lotsa happened..except the fact that i'm uber broke...hahahah...well not that i've been spending like my dad prints money...no..i just started to realise that the living standards in KL is so high..and i could hardly survive on my monthly allowance..lets just say next year will be a nightmare.i dunno how am i gonna make it seriously..not that my dad does not give me the money...he does..in fact..he said i could ask for more when i dun have enough..and so that was what i did when i was desperately in need of money to survive..mana tahu..kena lecture..then after that..he said if not enough let him know again..how irony??.well..most of the money i took from him i spend on paying my vocal and violin lessons, and now..for the accompanist..so in the end there's barely much left for my own spending lo to be honest..and thanks to who that i'm in such state???? i will not say...but god knows, my dad knows, she knows and i know...

every now and then i cant help but keep wondering..how can i survive in the coming next year??sigh...

hmmm shall i start blogging again??feeling abit lazy though...ahahha..i'll try my best la...fully utilize my camera...hahhaha...

okay..will update soon
ciaoz

Pamper

2009-11-06T05:27:00.002+08:00

Its been kinda long since i had such a good time...initially no plans for the night...only plan was to rehears with fren for an upcoming concert next week...then stay at home for more series n then call it a night...ever since last month when i'm starting to feel the pinch of running outta cash...didnt really wanna go out at all...prefered to stay at home most of the time coz thats the only way to ensure that i wont spend...

well you know..plans that came up suddenly at last minute..normally would bring some fun into my everyday life...so went out to setapak to teman my dear to get back his uncle's guitar from an old fren of his..then went over to Library in Cineleisure..hanged out with some frens...its been kinda long since i had such a great time drinking and hanging out with frens...and tonight is the night...after that i felt like dancing..so dear texted yirui who's at Maison every thursday..that we'll be going over to join her there...

again we were there...well...i had my part of fun..hopefully i did not neglected my bf..lolz...came back to cheras again for supper..as expected la...dear where can be full after eattin poridge without any proper meat in his meal...hahahha..in fact he had supper TWICE...lolz...

my hair is getting abit better...not so sad d la...some said i look better with this hairstyle..but not much of a difference also actually..ahhaha...well..i dunno la..but am happy that its getting better day by day...gonna nourish it with plenty of conditioner...hahjahahhaha...

okay...i had my part of fun and its gonna last for some time before i feel the need to inject more into my life...time to focus on what i need to do now..upcoming concert in Bukit Jalil Golf Club..and most important of all before the arrival of 2010....VOCAL COMPETITION (FINALS) in Johore...at the same time..shall keep on practising for my Graduation Recital next year...kinda worried now at the state that i'm going...

its already the ending of my 1st week of semester break...somehow i dun feel like i'm having any holidays..lolz...well coz to start with..i wasnt really that busy with during the semester...or was i busy but i'm already so used to it i dun feel it anymore?ahaha...and even with the semester break..i still got classes to attend and stuff...Tuesday..weekly Dithyrambic practise..will be more intense as we have upcoming concerts..Melacca in end of this month and our Debut in MPO(that is if u dunno..we're singing with the organist at Dewan Philharmonic, KLCC) in December...gotta rush back to KL straight from Johore after the Vocal Competition ended...Wednesday got Vocal lesson...Thursday got major lessons in Uni, Friday night gotta go Urbanattic for JazzPetrol, Saturday gotta teach in Midvalley and Violin lessons...

so as u can see..i'm still busy...and even after the vocal competitions and all the concerts, xmas carolling's coming up next..hahaha...well...am glad that i have so many things to do..at least i wont be wasting much of my time..loitering at home without doing anything usefull..ahaha...

i'm begining to enjoy my life, to love my life being a musician and a part time singer..(am i qualified to call myself that??lolz)...never regreted of choosing this path in my life..hope everything will be better and better..

of coz..there's one thing thats bothering me right now..hopefully it wont be something that i need to worry..and everything will go well for me for now and in future...

kayz...thats the short update..i know its been kinda long since i updated much bout myself and stuff..busy and getting lazy d...

til the next update..
ciaoz..

Heart Broken

2009-11-04T04:11:00.002+08:00

everytime i touch my hair, or even look into the mirror..i feel terribly sorry for myself..for the decisiont that i've made...never expected that it would cause so much harm to me...and the outcome...totally unexpected...and i guess there's nothing i can do but to wait for time to pass to let it heal...

yea i'm heart broken...not coz i fought with my bf or what...hahaha..say til so dramatic...cheh...lolz...

went to did my hair..never expected my hair to so damaged all these while..and just in two days' time i've permed and straightened my hair twice each...sigh...now...nothing can be done.i'm suffereing from hair crisis 1st time in my life...i guess this really teach me lesson...cheap stuff doesnt mean its good...all these while my hair havent been treated correctly, nicely..hence the accumulated damages...

since i got back..i tied my hair in a ponytail coz its in a terrible state..dry, damaged...almost broom-like...hopefully after washing 2mr it'll be better..dead worries now...

aih...i need some miracle...

Big Bully On the Road ----> WNS 3289

2009-10-21T20:09:00.002+08:00

firstly, i know this is not the correct thing to do...but serious this asshole seriously ticks me off...and also to warn all of u out there on this stupid driver..watch out for this car in future please...thank you..

i was on my way back to Cheras from Bukit Jalil after having vocal class...so usually it takes me almost an hour to reach home despite its short distance..its always jam and people would just cut in and out of ques...so today i've told myself that i should drive nicely and let people in if they need to...so...when i was reaching the turnout to Bandar Tun Razak and Taman Connaught from Kesas highway..i was QUEING....and then...suddenly i saw some few cars zoomed passed me on the right side and straightaway expect other cars ahead to let them in...and mind you..other cars and motorist were already HONKING this particular HONDA ACCORD in LIGHT BROWN METALIC with car number plate of WNS 3289...so of coz i wouldnt let him in coz its my road..my line, and i was MOVING AHEAD at that time...and this car...he just KEEP FORCING HIS WAY INTO MY LINE...UNTIL MY CAR IS LESS THAN 10CM FROM BOTH HIS BLOODY HONDA AND THE CAR ON MY LEFT SIDE...and I COULDNT MOVE ONE TINY MILLIMETER AT ALL...COZ IF I DID..I'LL HIT HIS CAR AND THE CAR ON MY LEFT...(U THINK U DAMN SMART AITE??IT ONLY SHOWS HOW IDIOTIC YOU ARE IN PERSON)...so i STARED at him...and this BALDING DECENT LOOKING UNCLE (might gives u the false impression that he's harmless..but in fact he's the BIGGEST BULLY on the road) stared back at me...i can assure u how close his car was to mine..that i can see if he has a tiny mole on his face..THAT CLOSE....so we stared at each other for few seconds..he was quite SMART..coz he thought that by SANDWICHING me i would let him go, have things his way..which i eventually did..NOT COZ THAT I'M SOMEONE THAT HE COULD BULLY..but coz THATS NOT MY CAR AND I DUN WANNA GET INTO TROUBLES OF HITTING OTHER CARS...

UNCLE...from the outside u seriously look decent..harmless and polite..but in fact..ur the BIGGEST ASSHOLE, BIGGEST BULLY ON THE ROAD i've ever seen..yea ur driving HONDA ACCORD..so what?? MYVI's also a car too ok...what makes u think that u have bigger car means u have bigger rights to cut ques??and secondly...ur sooooo damn fucking IMPOLITE that u makes me feel DISGUSTED...its not ur road, ur line...yet u force ur way into MY ROAD...pun sudahlah...and u have to SANDWICH me til i cant move..IF I MOVE I WOULD HIT INTO UR CAR AND I WOULD HAVE TO PAY YOU you SLIMMY BASTARD..and in the end i had to give u a hand gesture to "WELCOME" U TO CUT MY LINE coz i've no choice...thirdly..i'm a lady driver and i know most m'sian male drivers, especially, would make fun of lady drivers here on how lousy they drive and all...yes i'm a lady driver...a yound lady driver..but that doesnt mean that i can be easily bullied and being take advantages of...and if i were to see you again and you provoke me once more..i can assure you that i'm daring enough to do things you can never imagine me doing...my dad taught me well on road manners...being polite and same time not being taken advantages of..

this is totally not the right thing to do..i'm sure...but coz what u did was seriously too much..u seriously DESERVE EVERY CURSE FROM ALL THE DRIVERS THAT U HAD PROVOKED IN THE PASS, THE PRESENT AND IN THE FUTURE...i'm sure KARMA will get urself served in ur most DESERVED way...because ur the MOST IMPOLITE, SLIMMIEST and STUPIDEST driver..and NOT FORGETTING...BIG BULLY ON THE ROAD..i'm sure ur family are totally ashamed of you...

NOTE TO THIS UNCLE'S FAMILY...PLEASE THINK A MILLION TIMES BEFORE CONSIDERING USING THIS CAR FROM NOW ON-----> WNS 3289...U'LL NEVER KNOW MAYBE TOMORROW SOMEONE HE PROVOKED DECIDED TO TAKE REVENGE ON HIM...AND BY USING THIS CAR UR INDIRECLY PUTTING URSELF IN DANGER...

and last but not least...

GOOD LUCK TO YOU UNCLE...i'm sure u'll NEED it...

Grant Me A Wish

2009-10-11T02:00:00.000+08:00

i've uploaded these pics while i was at urbanattic last nite..didnt had the time to blog til now..piggin out in my room on my bed since i got back from a wedding dinner..my babysitter's son's wedding..
the more wedding i've gone to lately.. makes it harder for me to believe in marriage..Do they actually live happily??everything seems so superficial...it always has been the culprit..TRUST..

okay..cut the crap..more updates..PD trip during Raya..

The girls..MinJi, Ling, Lala, Moi and Vivian

Dinner Time

someone called that night..to check on me whether i still hold a grudge on him since the bloody day he hurt me and left me to die...

sorry..i'm just not in the right state of mood and right state of mind now..even if i'm blogging bout happy stuff

god knows what it is

Vocal Competition @ Civic Hall PJ on 27th September

LaiYee, ChaiYing, Moi and Chloe

Josephine and I..my accompanist

Top 10 for both Guy and Girls categories..

Top 4 of both categories..which will be competing again against each other in Nationals in Johor in Dec...

we got into the Nationals..Clar, Rachel, Zhong, Johan, and Terry(Maggi)

members of Dithyrambic Singers..all of them are Mr Ian's Student..except for me..Mr Ian is my Si Goong..haha

i was the 2nd-runner up

with YuenNee, Cynthia, Carmen and Rachel

my teacher

with ling and chloe..

with Mr Ian Lim

dear rushed over to civic hall again after he's done with his wedding gig in Klang...then we went yamcha in SS2's WongKok

with xiaoteng, YeeFen, Chloe and Jo

wanna thank dear for supporting me and always be there for me..fetching me to classes..letting me use his car to go to classes..send me over to MIA for rehearsals and supported me during the competition...thanks alot

also not forgetting Mr Ian for coaching me, my teacher Bee Theng...and frens that supported me..thanks alot...
i will do my very best during the Nationals in Dec down in Johor...

When words can no longer express myself...

when talks could no longer help...

when booze no longer be the thing that helps to forget bout all the problems and miseries...

i wonder what will be next..........

Urban Lifestyle

2009-10-05T23:16:00.007+08:00

Went kai kai at Midvalley with dear just now..finally got myself a new pair of Ipanema...Loves...hehe...and i saw plenty of Domokuns in one shop in Gardens...and all the adorable softtoys...aaaawwwwwwwwwwww.....most of the girls are suckers for cute, adorable soft toys...hahaha...okay..i had a great evening...had dinner at Sushi Zanmai..been gazillion years since i last went there..ahahah...

okay..updates on Dear very 1st gig @ UrbanAttics, Capsquare KL. They are the Jazz Petrol

it was yaw's birthday..so they had some small celebration for him there..

asked him to get on the stage to show some of his geng drum skills..

his stool being taken away...playing drums while standing

one of his drumsticks being taken away this time.

at last...he's playing the drums with his bare hands...haha..geng okay...

Dear on Saxophone

breakie before the last set..

the Jazz Petrol..Dennis on keyboard, MinJi on vocals, TianKiat on Bass, Eddy on Sax and Emmanuel on Drums

Emma's 20th birthday @ Laundry..before raya..

happy guy..coz plenty of shots from his frens...

downing them one by one...he's damn strong...

another shot to go...

all of those shots did nothing much to him...ahahah...sorta immortal..ahhaha

1st Flamming for the night..

he had a total of 3 Flammings that night..and plenty more shots and booze

Happy giler...hahaha

"Hmmm...how should i cut this birthday cake, bread thingy.." hahahahah i wonder was he sober at that time...

but whatever it is...the bread/cake sure does taste good...

this crazy one...sigh....=p

okay...thats all for this post..will update again when i feel like it...

toodles..

muahzs..

with love.

Black Light That Spoils It All

2009-10-02T10:44:00.006+08:00

Finally organized the many pics in my folder in my lappy...well..supposed to be in Uni now attending masterclass..but due to some unforeseen circumstances..hahaha..i'm at home now...so there's nothing to do so i just decided to update some of the pics...

note that all these pics are dated quite some time back...since late august til part of September..

my bf....@_=

attended a relative's wedding dinner in Kajang...Bro got to know that a relative is his junior...well..it works like this...my 2nd uncle, bro and that relative...all studied, studying in MMU under Engineering..so...my Uncle is the eldest senior..followed by my bro and that guy...so the funny thing happened when we're leaving the dinner.you know family members gotta greet all the guests goodbyes and all...then he bid me goodbye by saying " nice meeting you 2nd senior's gf..." i just laughed there..and cleared things up by telling him that i'm his sis instead..well reason that he didnt know is coz he was with my bro during the morning's wedding ceremony..i wasnt there coz i was abit too lazy to go..after that i told my mom and bro bout what happened..damn funny...but seriously..dont we look alike that the slightiest bit???

trip to genting...randomness again...during the mid 7th month in July...if you get what i mean...@___@

Yirui, Ling and i

Thiery....whos always playing his psp..

dear and i

and i went into the Casino!!! hahaha...coz dear itchy hands la wanna gamble...original plan was to go in..but coz yirui wasnt full 21 yet..in the end only the both of us went in..

@ library...Dennis, Clarence and Jeanie

with Emma

During Yaw's Birthday at a restaurant called Train Cafe or something..forgotten...its in PJ..

floating balloons

and the man behind the floating balloons...David

i curi-ed it back with me...hahahahaha

then we went to BangkokJazz to support Angela..coz she was singing there..poser shot #1

poser Shot #2

before raya that week...friday...headed over to Library@ Cineleisure for Emma's birthday..but at last ended up at Laundry

Lepaking around while waiting for time to go for my violin lesson..ahha

okay thats all...BYE

Fatigue

2009-10-01T11:47:00.002+08:00

am blogging straight from my Uni's MIDI lab right now..coz there's no practise room to use and i've got nothing to do...

still recuperating from the fatigue since last week...patutlah getting older and older by each day..haha...some said i've lost abit of weight..happy...=D hahaha

okay i'm bored..nothing to do..the line in uni is ridiculously slow...sigh...fb lack and all...blogs cant even load properly...siens....how to past my time la....

ok la..bye

Being Weak is NOT an Option

2009-09-14T01:26:00.001+08:00

although not many classes this sem coz i've finished all my core subjects throughout my 7 semesters in the uni..but been busy with practising..quite into uni life nowadays..most of the time spend in practise room practising...
i've also started teaching part-time..its a good start..adorable students i have..and really smart too...trying to look for more teaching oportunity now..in need of experience and money..
mom called this afternoon..and i was still sleeping then..lolz..wasnt too pleased with me it seems..on that fact that i wont be home for some time..especially for raya holidays..which i'll be away with some frens for a short break..and also my unhealthy lifestyle...late nights..it seems i'm not coping too well with all the late nights like how i used to be...so time to grow up...less party..work harder..earn money...sleep earlier..sounds like no life..lolz...

kayz..anyways here comes the update on my Penang trip during last sem break...went with dear, David and Vivian..

WARNING: NON HALAL PICS AHEAD>>>>

supposed to leave in the morning..but after much delay and went back to David's house in Kepong coz he left the dvd player's remote control..officially leaving after lunch around 2pm..

Penang...at about 6pm..

quite gloomy...

this fella...4 hours of nonstop "exitement and entertainment" from him..

one of the "entertainment" of David's

just for funs..

Komtar

stopped by to ask for directions to our hotel...and i saw this...

nah let see have a better view of it..

we only booked our hotel on our way driving to Penang.and one of the exitement was discovering where is it located and how does it look like..

luckily it wasnt that bad..room rates were quite good..we stayed at Hotel Msia

David fixing the dvd player..yes he brought his own entertainment..

not bad lo..let u see the hotel..

now...try to guess its function..what purpose does it serve??

the air-cond controller..

at least we still have a tv set in out room..lolz

settled down..rest abit and watched dvd..went out for dinner quite late..9 something if i'm not mistaken..

we went to some food area where the stalls are at the road side...

Apong

Vivian and David

my beef balls noodles..ignorning the fact that its quite tasteless..i like it mainly coz of the thick Meehoon..

fried Chicken skin

fried chicken

Penang Char Kueh Tiaw

2nd day..woke up late morning coz of the late night movie sessions the night before..eventually we missed our complimentary breakfast..well we didnt know we had complimentary breakfast..lolz..

mission...Air Hitam's famous Asam Laksa

can see the famous Kek Lok Si from far..

Mua Chi..the best i've eaten..its a bicycle vendor selling muachi, near the Air Hitam Market..

here comes the famous asam laksa...quite good..plenty of fish and vege...but taste wise..the one in Cheras's Giant is better..but lesser fish and vege

fried popoiah and some other stuff...ok only...

remember to go Air Hitam for the famous Asam Laksa when ur in Penang..and look for this stall..its outside the Market..

went jalan jalan nearby..then went back to hotel for more dvd sessions..lepaked abit..and went out in the evening...

on the way to our 2nd mission before going back to hotel...Famous Penang Cendol..

only to realise that i ate this quite often sometime back..there's a stall of this famous cendol in Subang USJ's Giant..best in the sense that unlike normal cendol u eat, the cendol here doesnt harden when its covered and soaked in the ice..

behold....
.

.
.

RAAAAWWWWWWRRRRR!!!!!!

view from our room

went out around 530pm..headed for our 3rd mission..Bukit Bendera...

muachi again..but not as good as the one we ate in Air Hitam..well..we ended up at the wrong side of the Bukit Bendera..we were at the tracking site up to the Bukit Bendera..

on the way to the other side of Bukit Bendera to take the tram up..

finally we got there

just in time for the 7pm tram

reached the stop at the middle of the hill

we had 45mins to spend at the stop before the tram take us up to the top of the hill at 8pm

reached the hill top about 10mis later..

quite cooling up there...and i was smart enough to leave my jacket in the car..

a huge plant that grows away from the ground

we took the last tram down from the hill..it left at about 915pm..by the time we reached at the leg of the hill it was already close to 10pm..we were already starving...and looking forward to hav our dinner at Gurney Drive.

Fried stuff

got GeTai performance there due to the 7th month in chinese calendar..girls with sexy outfits will peform, belting out Hokkien and Chinese songs..such GeTai can be found in Singapore too..well it was believed that they perform for "the Brothers and Sisters"

exercise after makan..

dear and i..lepaked at the beach side for almost an hour..just berborak borak there

LeeCooper and Converse

there was a girl going around at the area selling flowers...one thing to learn from her...she really got good promoting skills...quite hard-sell lor..hahaha..

i looked like i was strangling the rose...lolz

went back hotel to call it a day..more movie sessions..and again..i crashed before the movie ended..

3rd day..time to leave penang...we took the ferry back..

byebye Penang...

enjoyed my ferry ride..thinking back bout how much i've missed redang..the beach..and thinking back bout the last time i took the ferry..i was still very young then..and i remembered that i had a photo taken with my dad on the ferry, with my dad carrying me...lolz..i think i was 7 then...was daddy's girl..lolz...

end of my ferry ride...=(

sorta rushed back to KL...rained quite heavily when we were on our way back..and stucked in the jam in KL...they all got to attend a sound check and rehearsals for their performance for uni's orientation the next day...and i rushed back to uni's library to look for new repertoires...and i only got a night to practise before my class the next day...hahahah..still not bad la...managed half a movement of sonata just in 2 hours' practise...

i was half way updating my blog...and went out for dinner-supper...just came back not long ago to finish up this post...its my lifestyle now...i take lunch at around 3 something 4...and dinner around 10 something...haha...crazy i know..unhealthy too...god bless me ba...=p

ok gotta go do some preparations for classes this coming week..

ciao..

with love,

muahzmuahz

Worth of Time

2009-09-06T23:57:00.003+08:00

the time has come

til the part where it has to end for good

things happen for at least one reason

its just the nature of life.

confronted by a very good friend of mine

it all started with a good and nice conversation

then i shared my thoughts

he observes well, he says

he feels, but not judge

and so i asked for a piece of his mind

told me everything

something that one wouldnt fond in knowing it

i was sort of upset

tried to defend myself

begged to differ

said that he compromises, i thanked him but forgets bout it soon enough

and that i compromises, but bring it to grave with me

said that i'm being irrational

i'm unforgiving

tried to explain that i'm not being irrational,

but merely just trying to cut down the harm

to which came up to me being selfish

tried to defend myself on me being unforgiving

but i cant find any words to finish up the sentence

all in it sums up to being selfish.

moments later

i found the perfect word to describe myself

"self-centered" that is...

slowly it hit me

that all that he observed was true in a way

felt hopeless and helpless

dissapointed with myself

disgusted with myself

slowly you will realise

that i'm just not worth your time

ur care

ur love

you said we always have a choice

i do agree

honesty provokes

just like how you said it

dont feel sorry for what you've said

coz all of it were nothing but the truth

its all for me to reflect upon myself

slowly...

you'll realise...

that i'm not worth your time...

urs sincerely...

Feeling Old

2009-09-03T15:22:00.016+08:00

Another new semester, Semester 8, considered as my last sem in uni, ignoring the fact that i'm going to extend another in next year...its short sem so plenty to do in 2 months' time..no time to waste..its time to pick myself up and strive my hardest..competition coming up too..gonna be really busy.but i guess its all good for me...

start off this post with some random pictures taken some time back..

there was this once few weeks back, the TNB people cut off my house's electricity accidentally..actually wanted to stay at home to write my AMus paper that day..but coz no electricity and there's nothing can be done..i think that day was the day i had Choir concert that night..which was the 6th of August...so yirui and i went out kai kai in kl..well just giving outselves reasons to go out and have fun...went to F21..and we tried on dresses..with our sneakers on...

then on a weekend..tried to capture the night scenery where the moon that night was really big and round and bright..and really close to the earth.as though its gonna fall down from the sky...wanted to show dear this pic..coz he was away in terengganu for performance..but then only realize that he's still in malaysia and is seeing the same moon as me..silly me..hahahahhaha

the day i had jury...drove dear's car to uni..and upon reaching uni, my hp rang so i put my hand into my bag to search for it..and i got scratched on the bindings of my score book..luckily it wasnt deep..if not it would have effected my performance that morning..

the weekend after uni holiday started...went back to shah alam..then went out shopping with mom and bro..had lunch at Lavender..nice environment, bro's treat for my birthday...

bro..testing my cam's smile detection mode..only works when u flashes ur teeth..haha

with my bubble milk tea

my seafood pasta..

bro ordered egge tuna mayo baguette

mom's pancake...yummy...too bad i think more maple syrup wouldnt do any harm...

first week of sem break spent staying in cheras to celebrate my 21st birthday with frens..

Malibu..bought when i came back from Korea..

bartender of the night..haha

dunno where dear went as he said he'll be late abit...then when he came..he brought Baskin Robin cake..and Delectables cuppies for me...invited some frens over for drinking session and all..

was drinking and Chor-ing Dai Di..suddenly rui came out with a cake.

lala on the piano..haha

officially 21

kawan kawan sekalian..

switching on the aircond i think..

Thanx for the cake..

messy table..

with housemates and coursemates..

our very own family...

Thanx alot to wuji and Chloe who came and celebrated with me...

with the guys in the house..Thiery, Victor, Wuji, Eddy and Teddy

with them girls in the house..Angela, Yirui, YikLing, and Chloe

after that picture..kena attacked by people, with them putting cream on my face and hair...

hahah...and someone actually put cream ontop of my head..and spread it all over like she's washin my hair..hahah

cute lil cuppies from dear..

dunno what they doing with Teddy's play stick.haha

when i see cute things i just tend to wanna take loads of pics with/of them..

even the packaging's so cute..

some drinking going on...i downed 4 seconds of Jack Daniels, Eddy did 5, and 3 for wuji

the effect of the shots...he was like this all night..laughing NONSTOP..i was told that it lasted for more than an hour...

ling looked like she's tipsy. without even drinking one bit..had some games..forgotten what games we played..truth or dare i think..almost reaching la-la-land then..haha

hueyhsiang is one gone-case..

lolz

Eddy went down to get something and Wuji left with him..and on their way down Eddy met someone..and he came up to our place for abit..haha
after everyone left..most of them quickly went to bed and all..i was a gone-case..so dear made me go clean up.but when i was done showering he pulak asleep on the couch..so i did some cleaning up and tidying up the hall before went to bed..

next morning had quite a bad hangover...headache all day long..sigh...and i found my pressie in my bag...hahah

a Guess purse from dear..

a shorts from ling..

and soft toys from lala and victor..a meal from thiery,a necklace from parents(they got me a month earlier coz of some auspicious reason).. and plenty of wishes from my frens and family...thank you so much you guys...

in the afternoon..went down to KL for shopping trip with Ling and Yirui...Lala couldnt make it though...

had tea at MOF

rui's

ling's

mine..love the Ocha ice cream..lately i'm so into Ocha ice cream...

we ordered this Avocado Almond Tofu salad for sharing...coz greedy us decided to order the set for 3-5 pax...came with a salad topping of the day...which was...WASABI salad topping..didnt finish the salad though.

on the way back to Cheras..suddenly noticed ling like emo-ing behind..

but actually she's taking an afternoon nap..

went to attend Dennis's graduation recital...then rushed off to Dithyrambic weekly practise in taman melawati..

wednesday was reserved by dear coz he couldnt celebrate with me on the actual day of my birthday..so after he finished his exams, he brought me down KL for dinner...had dinner at Bayenhaus in CapSquare...and movies at midvalley after dinner..last minute plan coz we dunno whatelse to do d..haha bumped into XiaoTeng and Zhong there..we watched G.I.Joe (correct me if i'm wrong, coz i've watched too many movies in August alone...)awesome movie...not much on storyline, but was action packed..worth watching really...

thursday...went Jogoya with dear and some other frens...Vivian, David, Victor, Maggie, EeKee, Yaw, Eunice, and Stephen

was rushing like mad..but still made it on time..stephen was the first to reached...kept playing with his hp there...

thanx dear for the treat..=)

Maggie, Eddy, David, Vivian, EeKee, Stephen, Yaw and Eunice..

Maggie, Victor, Clar, Eddy, David, EeKee, Stephen, Yaw and Eunice

went over to BangkokJazz afterwards to meet up with the others..Ling, Thiery, Lala and Victor, Rui and Jessie...

Lala, Victor, Ling and Thiery left earlier for movies in Timequare...Eddy jammed during the jammin session there...

free cocktail from manager of BangkokJazz

we then went over to Maison for 2nd round...left quite late that day...around 4 coz it was raining quite heavily when we wanna leave...

that was how i celebrated my 21st..nothing fancy really...but i'd had fun..and spend time with frens..appreciate all of you that celebrated for me..and once again..thanx alot for everything...love you all...

next post...Penang trip...

toodles,

muahzmuahz